Just Call Me "Ms. Carbon-Copy"

"This old corduroy coat, it's not keeping me 

dry but I can't think of what else to try" - Joshua Radin

I've always been a big believer in the saying, "everything happens for a reason." I believe that whatever happens in life is what is supposed to happen and that I might not know why for hours, days, months, or years. When it comes to relationships, everyone always says "it'll happen when you least expect it" or "when you're not looking for it, that's when it'll find you." The two ideas go hand-in-hand...basically, I'm supposed to let fate take its course and let life happen on its own. My question (and I'll have more in a little bit) is where's the line between letting fate do it's thing versus considering that the easy way out and watching your life happen without you making any decisions? What I mean to say is, when and how are we supposed to know when to intervene, kick fate to curb, and make something happen for ourselves?

Recently, this question is on my mind because there is a person that is clueless as to how I feel because our paths do not cross and they are not likely to cross without me making an effort to cross them. I'm not giving too many more details than that but put it this way, he doesn't know anything and it's not because of anything other than circumstance (I'm trying to make the point that he's not just some jerk who should know but doesn't, blah blah).

The key words in the previous paragraph are "me making an effort to cross them". Some say that guys like it when the girl takes over, makes the first move, and shows initiative. Some would say that if a guy wants to make a move, then he will, but what if he would have no idea that there is even a chance here? What if in this case there is absolutely no shot of him making a first move? Ugh. This is when I start asking myself "if the situation was reversed how would I react? would I think it was totally weird and aggressive or spontaneous and just crazy enough to think about it?" I definitely tend to think that I'd be on team 2, but let's be serious...I'm me, a hopeless romantic at heart.

This is reminding me of my early high school years and the dreaded college counseling. My parents and I asked every admissions counselor and every teacher the same thing, "Is it better to get B's in advanced placement courses or A's in regular level courses?" The answer was always, "Hmm I'd say it's better to get A's in advanced placement courses." Well great, thanks for all your help. In this case, is it better to make a move and take my chances that it might turn out badly or to sit back and let fate decide? There's no way to know for certain one way or the other. "Hmm, I'd say a mixture of both is the best way to go". I make a move, resulting in a positive response, and the rest is up to fate. Perfect world much?

I chose the quote to introduce this post because I think it captures a little bit of what I'm trying to say. The past few months, I've really just been letting whatever happen happen and this tactic just doesn't seems to be working for me anymore. I'm getting impatient but I don't really know what else to try. Maybe I should stop letting fate dictate everything and be a little ballsy every now and then. I mean, really, what do I have to lose? Again, ugh.

You Got Growing Up to Do by Joshua Radin

I'm also struggling because in the past I have put myself out there, I'm rarely afraid to do that, but somewhere deep down I know I'm forcing a situation that really isn't meant to be. Is that happening again?

So, blahhh blahh blahh biddy blahh blahh. Since you just read this whole thing, don't ever tell anyone that you don't know an over-analyzer. You think that was bad? Just imagine how absurd it is in my head!

Kate Beckinsale and John Cusack in "Serendipity"

For the poor souls who have yet to see it, the whole movie is based on two people who meet and decide if they're meant to be together they will find each other some day. HOWEVER, John Cusack's character goes on the hunt for her, basically saying "screw off, fate!"...but in the end, fate wins. The g.d. combination of both sides of the argument! (See the movie and you'll understand the title of the post as well).

To let fate continue its path or stir the pot and make some moves on my own? Hmm. Imma have to sleep on it...oh wait...that would require me to actually be able to fall asleep one of these days. Tootles!