2012: The Year in Photographs

It's a little late but that never hurt nobody.

January * No hip hop New Years 2012

January * First kiss of 2012 OW OW

January * Cheers to me being 23!

January * Gabadabadoo in DC for my bday!

February * Happy Valentine's Day from BLT & Marek LOL

February * Dancer's pose?

March * First Caps game!

March * First Waterfront Sunday Funday of the year!

March * Happy Birthday, JC!

March * Boyfriend.

April * Biddies at Easter

April * Full BBC @ Sona

April * Mom-mom!!

April * Boomerang Party Yacht

April * JACKIE!!!!!

May * This one time we went to Pickles....and a Yankee game

May * Family dinner at Maggiano's

May * Starboard virgin

May * Samabigal in DEWEY

May * MDW full of jabrionis

May * Sums up MDW in Dewey

June * El Camino

June * Happy laughing baby

July * Nerds

July * baby canon

July * New Jersey is where da heart is

July * Dancer's pose....and Lauren Ann....

July * Simply the best

July * Bo Banya visits DC

July * Ireeena Beeeena

August * SUNDAY

August * Kenny and Tim Concert

August * OH HEY PUP

August * Sistuhs from otha mistuhs

September * Tedy got hitched!

September * Front Page Crew

September * CPs

October * my only sister got MARRIED!!!!

October * Irish Kevin's!

October * Wedding bells for Beth!

October * M.O.H and my hot date!

October * The Vin Man and his girls

October * Faja

October * Transfusions in Key West!!

October * Matt & Kim got hitched!

October * The groom!

October * HurrAkin party at The Corner

October * HurrAkin party at The Corner

November * Thanksgiving in New Jersey!

November * Camp Mom-mom & Pop-pop

November * Team Animal Print

December * Giants Game in DC

December * Rhino Xmas Party

December * ZINZI

December * ZINZI

December * ZINZI

December * ZINZI

December * ZINZI

December * Christmas at the Nigara's!

Sassarella Says...Peace, 2012. Great year but I'm very much looking forward to 2013!

Growing Pains

Why is it the way of the world that we have to be taught a lesson more than once to really learn it. The first time we are taught how to share probably didn't go over so well. It probably wasn't until the fifth, sixth, or maybe even seventh time that we actually learned how to share with little Timmy. Now that doesn't mean as a three year old learning to share for the eighth time that we actually liked it because we are used to having everything to ourselves and not caring about what little Timmy wanted so this rocked our worlds. So even though we didn't want to at first, we knew what was expected of us so we did it.

I'm rambling.

Anyway, last week...wait for it...wait....I went back to YOGA. Holy sh!t, did you just fall out of bed when you read that? I know, I'm sorry, you didn't think I even remembered what that Namaste crap was did you? Well I do. I went back and something changed inside of me. I had forgotten how much better I feel when I'm upward dogging and extended side angling and how much it effects me mentally and emotionally. I used to say, "I'm happy because I'm skinny" but I realized this week that it's not strictly about being skinny. I realized that I'm happy even when I'm not skinny but doing something to get there. I'm happy just knowing that I'm healthier this week and that because I went to yoga that I immediately paid more attention to my food and drink choices. That whole "healthy lifestyle" section of the bookstore is no joke. It's not just be skinny skinny skinny, it's be healthy healthy healthy....and then of course, skinny usually follows. Yay. 

So coming home after the third visit to the yogi hot box this week, I felt lighter both physically and mentally. While in the shower, I smiled in pain as a lifted my sore arms to wash my hair and I stopped and stared at my much firmer legs while shaving. Voila! Good things do happen when you work out.

But hold the phone. Have I not learned this lesson over and over again? Do I not bounce back and forth between the skinny arm, carefree, flat stomach phase and the fat face, b!tchy, butt jiggling phase? Oh wait, I do....all the g.d. time!!! WAH. Why? Why must we be taught lessons over and freakin' over again before we really learn them? Mental effing note Sassarella: When you work out and eat right, not only do you get skinny but you feel like a million bucks. You feel mentally lighter and things that used to bother you, just don't bother you that much anymore. Sleeping at his house for the 5th night in a row...ehh...not such a big deal this week. Being solely responsible for packing up the office and moving it to another neighborhood....ehh...not as frustrating as it would have been a week ago. Ya see where I'm going here? GOOD.

Sassarella Says...cha-tu-freakin-ranga.

Think, Process, Focus

It seems odd that when one's current relationship gets more serious that one would reflect back upon (or even dream about) a previous failed relationship. Well, as you can probably guess, this recently happened to me. I woke up feeling quite strange this morning having had a dream about a previous man candy while in bed with my current one. The odd part was that while this past "relationship" failed, the dude was uncharacteristically portrayed as an outgoing, overly-friendly, mature, and appealing guy. (Not to say that he doesn't embody some of that but certainly not all at the same time and to that degree)!

Dream: I'm at a reunion of sorts with a lot of mutual friends and we hadn't seen each other in awhile. I remember feeling relieved that the girlfriend he had before me wasn't there and I remember watching him briskly say hello to his most recent ex. The exchange was pleasant and easy, he seemed happy, which is not like him. He owned the room with his charisma and charm. He was floating around saying hello to everyone, making extensive conversation and laughing wildly, all of which he does not normally do. I remember attempting to walk by him with my head phones on (which I guess indicates my natural instinct to pretend like I don't see him), but I still smile and wave to be polite. Then he stops me, which would never happen in real life, and as he's pulling me in for a hug he says, "Ohh come on! Say hello to me, ya jerk!" It was all very playful and so unlike our normally awkward exchanges. He was smiling from ear to ear and when we pulled away from the hug, we just stared at each other for a second and then KISSED.

I woke up immediately after that bugging the eff out.

So me being me, I immediately turn to the Internet seeking answers and it turns out I'm not alone. Of course there are a ton of what ifs, but ifs, and only ifs but one explanation really stuck out. When your current relationship is getting more serious, your subconscious shows you examples, provides warnings, and sends messages. For example, instead of freaking out that this dream means I want him back (which I certainly DO NOT), I really thought about what the dream was showing me. The more I thought about it, the more I put some pieces together. I realized that not only was he portrayed completely inaccurately but that his mannerisms, the way he spoke, the way he smiled, and the way he kissed me, I mean every ounce of the way he behaved is that of my current man! CREEPY.

I realized that this dream, although creepy, was a message. It was confirming all of the character and personality traits that I love about my man and showed me that I'm not making the same mistakes as I did with the ex-boyfriend who was in the dream! As decisions get more intense and steps get more serious with my man these days, my subconscious sent me a confirming message that I made the right choice.

I'm patting myself on the back right now and I hope you are cyber-space high-fiving me! I also realllllly hope this is making as much sense as I want it to or else imma have a lot of 'splaining to do.

The only part that is bugging me about the dream is WHY HIM? Of all of the ex-boyfriends and former flings, why did my subconscious choose this guy? It made me wonder, how do you know when you are absolutely 100% over someone? You all know me well enough to know that if I weren't over him, I wouldn't be in this current relationship for as long as I have. I'm not a settler nor am I an idiot.

But is it about having closure? What if there really wasn't any closure? What if there wasn't an a-ha moment? What if we didn't have the big blow-out fight? What if he didn't do anything soOoOo horrible to me that I could never forgive and forget? It just kinda pooped out.

I guess you don't ever really know for sure but what you can be sure of is your present. My present is what matters and I have unflagging certainty that I am in the right relationship at the right time.

Sassarella Says...that's all I got. Love ya.

Sigh No More

I walked into a Nine West a little bit ago (no, not to shop, don't be silly...all I can do is look and admire) and I was greeted by a friendly looking man in a suit. Clearly, it was the day that Nine West was having a visit from corporate. Anyway, he did not greet me with the usual, "Hiiii! WELCOME TO NINE WEST!!" He greeted me with a large sigh, he waited for me to respond, and when I simply stared blankly and gave an awkward smile back, he began to laugh. "Bad joke, sorry," he said as he pointed to my shirt. "Oh! (haha) sorry, I'm not all here today," I responded before he laughed again and let me to know to call him if I needed anything. I was in such a zone and in such a daze that I wasn't even aware that my shirt read, "Sigh No More." Never mind the irony of "Sigh No More" which could be interpreted as worry no more....

I browsed around and walked out thinking about how that was the icing on the cake given the past couple of weeks I had had. I was constantly preoccupied. I was having conversations but not really having conversations because I was so in my own head. I couldn't seem to relax or turn my brain off whether it was job related, health related, where I want to live related, or relating to my relationships...friends, family, boy, etc. Should I this? Should I that? Well what if "A" happens, unless "B" happens first because then I want "C" to happen. And this wasn't going on simply in times of acceptable reflection but even in times of company, it was stupid. It kept my up at night but made me want to sleep all day in an attempt to avoid it all.

Lol. A total exaggeration but I couldn't resist.

If I work here then I can't work there but I still want to work there so now what?

If I live here then I won't live there. When can I live there? Should I stay here? What will happen if I go? What will happen if I stay?

If it all turns out this way then I'll have to go that way but how will I get there? Will I have to take off of work? I don't want to take off of work.

I haven't called back. Do it today? No can do. Do it tomorrow? Maybe. It's tomorrow. Ugh ok, do it tomorrow. Hopefully.

Of course I've censored (and shortened) every thing that I thought about all the g.d. time for the sake of my own privacy and for your interest in reading this, because on the verge of a meltdown I actually sat up and said out loud to myself, "SHUT UP!!!!"

However, this week, times have changed. I'm settling into a new full-time job and getting the lay of the land. I am forming new routines and thankfully, new sleeping patterns! I'm actually falling asleep around midnight, instead of 3am or later. I'm back into exercising and eating healthier foods. I'm drinking more water and feeling more energized throughout most of the day. I have a sense of calmness that I've never had before. I have a job that means a steady and reliable income and benefits. I still have my bartending job because I love it and because at this point, I need all the income I can get. I still see my friends here who technically have a completely opposite schedule than I do. And I realized this week that it really is weird to go to sleep without him next to me...not just in a cute way but in a, wow I'm so comfortable in this relationship kind of way. Mozel!

This isn't a motivational, time heals all, this too shall pass post because we all have to go through our sh!t and figure out it as it comes but I'm sure as hell happy to be on the other side of last month. I can't tell you what to do when every little detail of your life overwhelms you (I usually recommend Fireball) because I didn't know what to tell myself. All I know is that it can't last forever.

Sassarella Says...so be happy for me, damnit!