DJ CFabb: "It's the way I'm feeling I just can't deny" - RiRi

I live my life under the impression that everything happens for a reason. All of the events of the summer whether in my travels, my love life, or my friendships have brought me to where I am sitting today...at Starbucks in Washington, DC. Not only am I sitting at Starbucks in Washington, DC but I'm sitting here grinning from ear to ear because I know that things are going the way they are supposed to for what feels like the first time in awhile. My one concern aka the big girl J-O-B is still an issue but I just can't believe that the universe would make me this happy to only come crashing down on me in a couple of weeks when another rent check is due and I'm still jobless. Something is around the corner, it has to be. With that being said, everything else is aligning just as it should. I have a job on the weekends that I adore, mainly because of the people I get to work with for about 48 hours straight. I have friends here who have done nothing but make sure that I'm having the time of my life. I live in a city that feels like home. It's getting to the point where there are few places I can go without running into someone I know. I know it sounds really cliche and very "oooo aren't you just soooo cool" to say this but the people who make up the crowd of "industry workers" from the various bars and restaurants in the city, is by far the most fun, beneficial, "it" crowd, welcoming, and protective group to be apart of in a city.

Because of all of this, I'm that girl that I used to hate to see walking down the street - the girl who has a little pep in her step, the girl who looks like she had a great night with a great guy, the girl who has it figured out, the girl who feels good about herself, the girl who is so happy to be going wherever it is she's going and it effing rocks. Now, like I said, talk to me in a few weeks and see how things are going if the whole J-O-B thing isn't working out and I'm FREAKING OUT but wahhhhh I just can't believe that I will have to go through that. So anyway, here are some songs that describe how I'm feeling this week. I hope that they either enhance your current happiness or pull you outta the dark place you might find yourself in today.

"We Found Love" by Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris  (LOVE LOVE LOVE!)


"Without You" (R3hab Remix) by David Guetta ft. Usher


"Shake It Out" (Remix) by Florence & the Machine ft. The Weekend


"Dancing in a Starship" by Yoni and DiBella


"Vamos A Los Levels" by Loona and Avicii


"Crank It Up" by David Guetta ft. Akon


"Hangover" by Flo Rida and Taio Cruz


"Good Love Control" (3LAU Bootleg) by Alesso and Afrojack


"Cracked Promises" by 5 & A Dime


"Paper Towels!" (Deadmau5 x Lazy Rich x Britney Spears) by Kap Slap


"That We Loved" (Sex Ray Vision Remix) by De-Lor


And if you're not a fan of this kinda musica, here is one of my favorite country songs at the moment...

"Run" by Matt Nathanson ft. Jennifer Nettles and Kristian Bush


Sassarella Says...sometimes things do go they way they're supposed to, it's not unheard of. I've learned that it is absolutely necessary to capitalize on the periods of time that are above and beyond awesome because ya never know when a test is coming. What I'm hoping is that despite the fact that my life will get a bit more serious and responsibility driven the older I get, after football season ends, and when I get a 9-5er type job that I can maintain the youthful spirit I currently float around on. My life should only get better and better and my 9-5er job should only make me feel like I've completed the puzzle. I'm not naïve enough to think that I won't go through rough patches but right now, those thoughts are far, far away. Enjoy la musica, dolls!

Everyone Seems Normal Until You Get to Know Them

This post is inspired by my recent reconnection with an old friend. She and I used to send these to each other in class instead of paying attention. Enjoy...

Name? Sassarella
Birthplace? The Fist Pumpin' Dirty Jerz
Current Location? Your nation's capital
Hometown? Flo Po
Nationality? American
Ethnicity? Italian and Irish, lil German too
Eye Color? B-E-A-U-tiful brown
Hair Color? B-E-A-U-tiful brown
Height? 5'4"
Glasses or contacts? My dad got me contacts this one time because I was in a hitting slump and he was sure it must have been my eyesight....if only that were the case!
Piercings or tattoos? No tatts and don't even get me started on my ear piercing ordeal. Go ahead, Oak Knoll girls, laugh away! One ear got infected, blew up, and I looked like a weird circus act.
Single or taken? Single and a mingling
Right Handed or Left Handed? Righty tighty
Your greatest strength? My fabulous good looks. Obviously.
Your Weakness? Over-analyzing errrrrrythang.

FAVORITES
Favorite color? We already know I hate this question. 
Favorite holiday? I've always had a thing for Thanksgiving, especially during the college years.
Favorite physical feature on yourself? Collar bone. It's really hot.
Your favorite pizza toppings? Cheeeese puhhhlease
Favorite alcoholic drink of choice? Vodka, whiskey, scotch, tequila, wine, beer......should I go on?
Favorite guilty pleasure? The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, & Bachelor Pad
Favorite non-sexual thing to do with a guy? Pillow talk....wait, is that sexual? Kinda?
Favorite candy? Reese, M&Ms, Skittles, Twix, Snickers....should I go on?
Favorite breakfast cereal? Life, Cheerios, Frosted Mini Wheats, Reeses Puffs
Favorite person in your life? That's a super b!tchy question.
Favorite song? As is that...how could I ever answer that?
You favorite park? Florham.
Favorite place to be? With you. [Cue gag reflexes]
Your favorite sport to watch on TV? These days...obvs football.
Favorite TV show? Seinfeld, Gilmore Girls, Grey's, Friends
Your Favorite number? 13
Who is your favorite Disney Princess? Cinda-f*ckin-Rella (helloooo movie reference)
Favorite names for a son? Anthony, after my grandfather
What about favorite names for a daughter? possibly Alexandra after my other grandfather, Alexander
What is your favorite part of your life right now? New apartment, new life, Sunday Fundays, going to Town with It's Brittany B!tch, dancing on McFadden's bar with Lauren, seeing Megs, the Smoothie King guy... should I go on?

WHICH DO YOU PREFER
Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
Alcoholic or non-acoholic beverage? Really? Is that even a question?
Croutons or bacon bits? Croutons
Cowboys or Indians? How bout dem COWBOYS
Cops or Robbers? Cops, I know too many of them to choose Robbers
Single or Group Dates? oH mY GAWD, like totes SiNGLe dAtES
McDonalds or Burger King? BK fries are way better than McDonalds
Pepsi or Coke? Coke
Starbucks or elsewhere? I'm down with 'Bucks. However, The Bean Counter on Wisconsin Avenue has fan-freakin-tastic coffee
Dogs or cats? Dogs
Jay Leno or David Letterman? Leno, usually.

DO YOU's
Do you smoke? Nope
Do you sing? Unfortunately for anyone listening, YES
Do you want to get married? Yup
Do you believe in yourself? I shoot for the stars.
Do you get along with your parents? Gotta love Lu and Vin
Do you go to church? Not so much anymore.
Do you want children? Please don't say the C-Word.
Do you drink? Really? Is that even a question?
Do you like to travel by plane? LOVE IT
Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday morning? Nope, I'm at work.
Do you have a teddy bear? I have a monkey, Chee Chee!
Do you like thunderstorms? If it means I don't have to go anywhere, then sure! #friggenIrene
Do you play an instrument? I used to play piano and clarinet....band geeeeeek.
Do you think Jesus is great? He sure is swell!
Do you have any friends of the gay preference? Plenty of em
Do you consider yourself a party person or more apt to stay at home? A mix of both.

HAVE YOU EVER
Have you ever fired a gun? A Super Soaker CPS 2000
Have you ever loved someone? Yes.
Have you ever been with someone of the same sex? Nope.
Have you ever gotten so drunk you don't remember the entire night? I've never forgotten the ENTIRE night.
Have you ever cried for no reason? I am a woman.
Have you ever cut your own hair? No but this one time Jackie cut Lauren's hair before a team picture....it looked really good......
Have you ever skipped school? I have rebelled against the system a time or 2
Have you ever bungee jumped? Nope.
Have you ever punched someone? Not seriously but I should've knocked the socks off of that dumb silly little girl who threw a used paper towel in my face last weekend...
Have you ever been arrested? Nope.
Have you ever broken into someone's house? Nope.
Have you ever participated in a crime without getting caught? Nope. I'm a good girl.

SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE MATURE
List your top fears: Failure and lack of motivation
What bill do you hate paying the most? Rent? This bills thing is new for me.
What did you want to be when you were growing up? Choreographer
How many colleges did you attend? Uno
A secret that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing? I don't have many, I mean I have a blog.
What are your views on marriage? Do what you wish.
What Hollywood star do you think resembles you best? Sometimes I get Kelly Clarkson. Someone please think of a better one...
At this point in life, would you rather start a new career or relationship? I want bofff.
Number of drugs you have taken? Music is my drug of choice.
Your most missed memory? Camp Mom-Mom & Pop-Pop with Sammy
What are your first thoughts upon waking up? Please fall back to sleep.
What goal would you like to achieve this year? Getting a BIG GIRL J-O-B.
Who would you like to see right now? Wouldn't you like to know....
Are you still friends with your ex's? Some of them. That's always a bumpy road....
What song best describes your love life?  "You Make Me Feel..." Cobra Starship & Sabi

SOME RANDOM QUESTIONS
Who do you stalk on MySpace? Your mom.
Do you cheer for the bad guy? If he's hot.
What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now? I'm more of an on foot traveler these days.
How many pillows do you sleep with? Anyone with a car want to drive me to Target so I can get more? I need a microwave too!
What is the best way you document your life? Ohh hmm I don't know lemme think....

WHAT'S THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR....
Love..."WILL KEEP US TOGETHER! Think of me babe whenever..." Oh hay B.Ryan
Music...restores my sanity
School...sucks.
Politics...are stupid.
The internet...is where you can "like" my fan page on Facebook!

Sassarella Says...you know you wanna fill one out for yourself! I'm also saying that I currently find myself in a weird position. I usually have really solid blog posts when things are sh!tty or complicated in my life HOWEVER things are fabulous right now (I'm also le tired from all of the working and fun I'm having) sooo for now, deal with this post because I'm not about to wish complication on mi vida xxoo

"She works hard for the money, so hard for it, honey...SO YOU BETTER TREAT HER RIGHT!"

I thought about writing a post like this while I was working at Nonna's over the summer and after spending a few weekends back at Rhino, I'm finally writing it. So what is this post about? It's about the fact that at least once a weekend I find myself thinking, "It should be required by law that every person must work at a restaurant for at least a week." I say this because there is a code of ethics that every person should abide by when wining and dining at the average establishment. Let me shed a little light on it for ya...

Upon entering the establishment, if there is a host or hostess, please let him or her do her job. There is no reason to stand on top of the podium with your arms and legs blocking her from talking to anyone else. I promise you, if she has your name written down that she will call it when the table is ready. Additionally, please do not look around, point at empty tables, and say, "There's an open table over there, can we have that one?" There is a reason why that table is empty and if you see a list of names ahead of yours, why would you think that table is for you? It's not. It's not a conspiracy against you or some evil plan to keep you hungry, it is empty for a reason. Sometimes tables are kept empty when a big party is waiting and the hostess needs to put tables together. Sometimes a table is open waiting to be sat by a party who made a reservation. Whatever the reason, it's not your table so wait patiently.

In case you were not aware, servers are given a section of tables to cover. The host or hostess is supposed to seat those sections in a rotation so that the server is not bombarded by a bunch of tables at the same time. What customers fail to recognize is that the system is not only set up that way for the sake of the server but also for the sake of the service they receive. If you allow us to seat you in the proper rotation, instead of hand-picking a table, you will get served more quickly and more efficiently throughout your meal.

Now that you're sitting down, I have a few other quick tips. For starters, keep the pathways open. Whether the servers are carrying plates of pasta or armfuls of beer, we need space to move. Again, not only does this allow us to better do our job but it eliminates the possibility of me spilling hot wing sauce and bleu cheese dressing all over you. Just sayin. Also, try to order refills, more napkins, and extra dressings all at the same time. Believe it or not, you are not the only table we are serving and other tables require our attention as well. Shocking, I know.

If you have children, or if you just act like a child, please be aware that you are still in a public place. Other customers do not want to have to step over and around your adorable 5 year old running laps up and down the restaurant aisle. Nor do I want to trip over her and drop a tray of chicken parm dinners and salmon specials on the floor. Other customers do not appreciate you attempting to grab a chicken wing from their bowl as I walk by or backing up into the tray of vodka tonics because in your world, no one else is trying to get tipsy and sing a long to Britney's "I Wanna Go."

Unless I know you, you are a regular, or you are a legitimate love interest....I'm not your baby, your doll face, or your cupcake. I introduce myself for a reason. I have a name so please use it. I can't tell you how much I appreciate a table when they ask to be reminded of my name instead of barking out, "Hey you!" when they want my attention.

The bus boys are there to tidy up, not to perform full-on maid services. If you have such little control over your kids, at least clean up after them. If you are in capable of either and just have to make a complete mess of the table and floor (including straw wrappers, half eaten pieces of bread, pizza sauce on the walls, and smeared packages of butter on the floor....leave an extra $10 on the table). And in the case of a bar, the floor guys and waitresses are not all jazzed and eager to clean up your mess. Try to keep licked clean chicken bones and plastic cups on the tables and not the floor.

If you have a large party, do not ask to split the check 6 different ways. Do not ask for separate checks 3/4 of the way through the meal either. Especially in the bar setting, it takes a lot of time that frankly, we don't have. I love when people ask, "Is it really annoying if we split a $65 tab between 8 credit cards?" Noooo, not annoying at all, really. Or I really like when people split tabs of $20 and under, that really makes my day. I once had a table split a $12 check 4 ways...like really? I can't...I just can't...I just can't even go there. Put it on one card and give your buddy some casheesh...better yet, pay for the cab on the way to the next bar.

Unless your service was particularly awful, please tip well. More likely than not, the position your server or bartender holds is the position that pays rent (cough me cough) so an extra couple of bucks really does make a difference. Also, if a bartender gives you a free round or a manager takes something off of your check to be nice, please tip according to what the full bill would have been. The server still put the order in, brought it out to you, and got you extra freakin' dressing on the side.

I understand completely that when you go to an eatery, it is expected that you will receive a certain level of service. I also understand that since you are paying for the food and service, that it should be to your liking, however I don't believe I've asked for anything too unreasonable. All I'm saying is that if you help me, I will better help you. I also think that most people in the hospitality industry would agree with these simple requests so I'm not alone. If everyone had to work in a restaurant for a week, you would understand how the little things go a long way. For example, when I eat out, I stack my dishes when I'm finished eating, I pick up the little pieces of paper that never get swept up, and I always tip 20%. Most importantly, I always try to remember that even though a restaurant is a public place, that it is really someone's home. I've come to think of Nonna's and Rhino as other homes so it makes me sad to see people treat it like crap. Would you want me to make a sh!t storm of your living room? I didn't think so.

I think everyone should experience work in a bar or restaurant also because the environment teaches you a lot about yourself. It teaches you how to interact with all types of people, including the people you work with. It teaches you how to work quickly and efficiently. It teaches you how to handle chaos and irritable customers. It teaches you that mutual respect is crucial to getting along with anyone and it teaches you how to be a team player. "The industry" as they say, is a team sport so if you can't pull your weight or learn how to pick up the slack of a rookie, then you should probably find another profession. The dinner rushes, the late-night crowds, and the hustle and bustle can get crazy but the best part about working on this team is that we all understand that. We all understand that we're going to yell, scream, and freak out over mistakes, but then 20 minutes later there's another issue and we move on. And if all else fails, you finish the day with a drink, count your cash, smirk at each other at how kick ass it is that we served food all day to make more money than our 9-5er friends, and forget the whole thing ever happened!

Sassarella Says...servers are people too! The only reason I started working at either Nonna's or Rhino is mainly because I said, "Hello, how are you?" to the employees instead of ignoring them the multiple times a week I spent money there. I have to say that although I'm drinking some haterade throughout this post, most of the customers I encounter do not need this helpful guide (which is why I am able to continue in this industry). It is why I love it. I love meeting new people and having the opportunity to experience new places and events because of those people. So don't get all freaked out if I consistently wait on you and now you're wondering if I secretly hate you. I don't, I promise. If I did, I wouldn't be consistently waiting on you. But coming from a waitress, the best service you will ever receive will be because you treated a server, bartender, etc with respect instead of going into the encounter assuming I'm a low-life idiot who will undoubtedly eff up your order. Because let me tell you, I will hardly ever eff up your order. Like I said, you are in my home and in my home you get what you want, how you want it....just ask for it with a smile, dammit.

"And if I share my secret, you're gonna have to keep it" - Maroon 5

Please be advised that I am writing this on the day that I am really moving to DC. I'm not going back to NJ on Monday or next weekend and it's finally sinking in. Normally on a day like today, I would say to myself, "there's not a shot you can write today...way too emotional." Yes, I actually have days that I forbid myself to write because I am way to involved in my emotions and God knows what the hell I would end up saying on this thing. But here I am, on the freakin' Boltbus, exhausted and wondering how I'm ever going to make it through this weekend still standing....actually, come to think of it, I probably won't finish it standing. I'll be crawling my ass home on Sunday night.

Anyway, I got upset this morning leaving my little Luc. I have no idea when I'll be able to get home again and since he's not a person who can come down and visit for the weekend, I cried giving him one last pet on the head. I got upset looking around my room too. I had the same feeling as I did when I left for my first day of college four years ago. In the days before leaving I am so preoccupied with the crap I have to do that it's not until those last few seconds that I really look around at what's happening. Oh geez, this is getting weird. I'm already taking back my worries about work this weekend because it's probably a blessing that I'll be too busy to think about the fact that I just moved out of the house that I grew up in, the house that my parents and dog still live in, the house that my car still rests in, the house that is close to my friends, the house that is around the corner from my gym, the house that housed the girls after Sona, and the house that ironically made me really want to move out. It's particularly weird because, although it is unlikely that it will happen before I could be home for Thanksgiving, our house will get sold this year. Woweeee, what if I'm actually never in my house again?! Ok, I gotta stop.

Other than today being the day I move to Washington, DC, I've had another little sumptin' sumptin' on my mind. Take a g.d. guess at what it is...ohh haayyy hayyy L-O-V-E. (Or whatever it is that you call it when actually calling it love is VERY aggressive and like woah). I have not been able to figure out why the universe brought someone into my life at a time when it is completely inconvenient, illogical, and unreasonable that we actually be together. Geographically, we won't be together and we're both just getting started in new chapters, new years, etc. (Yikes, am I actually saying that one of the "Sassarella, I love you BUT..." statements has some validity?! Damn). It's really been bugging me because obviously as much as I've wanted this, I know it's not the right time. I don't want to like someone who I can't actually be with, see, and continue to get to know. However, I think I'm realizing that other than it just simply being that I've had a great time with him the last couple of weeks, that I also really needed all of this to happen.

According to the Rolling Stones, "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need." I didn't necessarily want this but I needed it. I needed to be reminded of what it was like to feel this way and know that it is possible. For the sake of everyone who isn't actually in my head or heart, "to feel this way," is not me claiming to have found love or total fulfillment but for the first time in a very long time it wasn't just about a sexual attraction. I mean, let's call a spade a spade, it's always about that on some level but it can also be more of an added bonus. I've talked about this before, the confusion between the positives and negatives of sexual attraction. In this case, I never questioned whether or not I was being used, I was never pressured or uncomfortable, and I genuinely laughed a lot. Better yet, I smiled a lot. And not the kind of smile that I make when I don't trust you but don't want to walk away yet, but the kind of smile that feels really good.

I'm often told, "You're so young! Don't get serious. Meet as many people as you can right now," which is great except for the part about our generation thinking it's totally normal (and acceptable) to mess around as soon as possible. With all of these supposedly awesome new people I'm expected to meet all the time, I don't always get that moment. I needed to be reminded of that moment right after the messing around. The moment when you kinda feel like the world stops and nothing else outside of where you are even matters. I really forgot how wonderful it is on any level. It doesn't just have to be after sex, it can be after a high school style make-out sesh as long as you feel you've got that connection. That moment is totally safe and vulnerable. In that moment you can communicate things that you wouldn't normally be able to say. I feel very sexy in that moment, more so than in any other. In that moment you know that you're as close as you can physically get but it somehow doesn't feel quite close enough. You reveal a side of yourself that even your closest friends and family members have never seen nor could they even imagine you in such a way. Think about one of your best friends and try to imagine them being lovey dovey and mushy...weird and kinda gross right? (LOL). Anyway, this moment sometimes doesn't even last five minutes, it could only be for a few seconds, but if you're lucky you get hours of it.

More recently, as in the last few years, I've found myself wishing and hoping that this moment doesn't end because I know once we part ways that everything changes. Even as soon as you sit up straight, everything is different and I found myself holding onto these moments because in situations with these guys, I was never secure in how we would interact afterwards (if at all). This time, I didn't want it to end for good reasons, not anxious ones. I have no idea when I will see "Doozy" again, it could be a long time and while it's a tad upsetting, I can't help but be happy. I'm happy I got to meet him, spend some time with him, and enjoy the last couple of weeks. I'm happy to have been reminded of these feelings even though I know that things change quickly and who knows if he and I will ever have them again. Either way, it's okay because like I said, I'm just happy that it happened for a short time as opposed to not happening at all.

Last weekend Brittany and I were talking about men, relationships, moving, and football season. She advised me to stay single for the first few months that I'm back in DC because it's such a hectic and exciting time in my life. My immediate response was a sarcastic, "yeah, like I'll really have to work hard at that!" However, I think I'm going to do just that. I was smacked in the face with what I've been missing in my single days but now that I've had a taste, I'm gonna hold out for a bit longer.

"Moves Like Jagger" - Maroon 5 & Christina Aguilera

I know I'm a little behind with this one but I'm so obsessed, it's stupid. 

Sassarella Says...yeah, I'm single and you're going to have to be pretty f*cking awesome to change that. Exsqueeeeze my French, but that was important. So by spending time with "Doozy," I saw what I know I could have but the cards just haven't quite lined up yet. I didn't want to meet someone and then have to leave. However, I did need to be reminded of the good stuff, like the really good stuff that I've had melt downs over not having in my life. The stuff that I know is out there but have settled for less in recent times and I ain't doing it anymore. I'm going to be single for the time being and remind myself of that moment (and all of it's implications) the next time I even think about giving out my digits. I can't tell you what to do with your life - maybe you just got out of a phase full of those moments and just want some time to not give a sh!t - but just make sure it's what you want. And if you have yet to experience the pleasure of that moment, well get ready because when it hits, it hits hard and all you're ever going to want is to have it over and over and over again.

Weekend Warrior: Mrs. Aubrey

"At some point you have to make a decision...

boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. 

So you can waste your life drawing lines or 

you can live your life crossing them." - Grey's Anatomy

So I figured it out. Last week I said that I couldn't really describe how or why it felt so different being in DC as a real person instead of as a college kid but after spending another four or so days there this weekend I know what it is...I'm crossing over to the other side.

In college I had my group of friends that consisted of my housemates and "the boys" aka the football seniors, however, other than Allie, Meghan, and Maggie I never felt particularly close with this group despite the amount of time we spent together. Ask Allie, we used to have this conversation a lot because I would complain and get frustrated that I never felt like I was really part of the group. However, part of that issue was that I always spent a lot of time with the Rhino crew and made an effort to get out of Georgetown on the weekends which separated me from the college group of friends. Therefore, I experienced the same sort of disconnect with the bar crew when I spent time with my college friends. Just to clarify, the bar crew is the collection of people who work at either Rhino, Sign of the Whale, McFadden's, Mighty Pint, Front Page, etc and the handful of loyal regulars. I would see them at work or when I would go out at night but the time that we spent together outside of one of us working were few and far between. Why? Well because I was the newbie, the rookie (well, I still am comparatively speaking) but you know what I mean and I just wasn't quite in yet.

There were moments last football season that I felt like I was running with the big boys, like on Sundays or at Zinzi Ball, but it didn't really stick after the season ended simply because of circumstances. I was working less and spending more time doing the college senior thing (which I loved, don't get me wrong), and they weren't hanging around as much because the "it's football season" excuse to drink all day long no longer existed. HOWEVER, this year/this football season, and indefinitely until I ever decide to move away from DC, I don't live in two worlds. I live in one world in which I am a resident of Washington, DC, living in Dupont, working in Georgetown, and that's that. I won't be going home for a month at Christmas, I won't be leaving for the summer, and I don't have any sweet lax parties to go to anymore. My life is mine to do with what I please and right now what pleases me is what I'm doing.

So what am I doing and what the heck am I talking about? It started on Friday night after working the beer tub at Rhino. As I walked with Brittany to get pizza for the bar, I mentioned how different it is working there and not knowing really any of the college kids. That's when I first noticed a change. The few that I did know I was very happy to see but for the most part it was just strange. I was disappointed that my friends wouldn't come stumbling through the front door to keep me company but at the same time I really liked that to most of these kids I wasn't viewed as a Georgetown girl working at Rhino. They only knew me as the employee serving them beers and I liked it. It sounds weird to say and Dad, don't read into what I'm saying....I'm not saying that I enjoy my status as a bartender more than my status as a student but my point is that I've crossed over to the other world.

By Saturday afternoon, college game day at Rhino was in full effect. Brittany makes it easy for me to actually enjoy serving the incredibly large and loud crowd because she's on top of her sh!t. She's quick, reliable, and a team player. Just sayin'. Anyway, it was awesome to recognize people and have them recognize me back from last season. Britt mentioned last year that having consistency with the staff makes a huge difference and I saw that this weekend. Anyone who knew my face or my name was pleasant to serve and tipped well. Woot! But back to this boundary business....if I was still juggling two worlds that night after my shift, I would never have had the opportunity to walk home part way with Sophie, walk by The Whale and give Jayne a round of applause for pulling together a cute outfit to work in after having a bottle of champagne to the face all afternoon at Rhino, or have a quiet beer at The Big Hunt to rest my feet. I'm a real person now. Love it.

By the time Sunday came around I was ready for an ultimate NFL Sunday Funday. The insane Eagles fans poured in, including some favorites like Joey and JP, and we were off and running! I could choose to simply serve people but I don't, I choose to cross lines and actually form relationships with customers. By the end of the game, I had fans giving me high fives and calling me out by name for another pitcher of beer. One guy and I even had a baseball type signal so I didn't have to climb over a ton of chairs to get over to his table when he wanted another round. I love working at Rhino during football season and I'm sure there are more posts to come of it but for now, I'm feeling myself digress and I gotta try to stay on point (lol).

So towards the end of my shift on Sunday night I went downstairs to find some members of the bar crew hanging out. I made a joke and next thing I know "No Fun The Most Fun Joe" had a Foursquare check-in to "Christie and Aubreys First Date" which turned into "Christie and Aubreys First Sexual Encounter." After an amazing leg wrestling competition by DuBois and Jeremy, I said farewell to my 2011 Zinzi Ball date, and headed over to The Whale. "No Fun The Most Fun Joe" had a "Grenade" shot made for me (whatever you do, always say NO to this), Jayne had the car bombs ready, Matt kept the interrogation going, and JC poured the twisted teas. N.C. Fred, did I pay you for the quesadillas?!

None of these details really matter nor do I actually believe you enjoy reading them, unless maybe you are one of those people, but the point is that I'm not feeling fenced in anymore. I'm feeling the invisible line I created in my head that always separated me from the group fading away and the way I see it, the teasing and the hazing are very good signs. Although I must give credit to Sheila for being my guardian angel that night!

"Beautiful People" by Chris Brown ft. Benny Benassi

Sassarella Says...live your life crossing lines. I know they think I'm corny and absurd because they don't think about any of this the way I do but it's all true. I realized this weekend that it's not about them including me but rather me opening myself up to them. Their lives aren't incredibly affected if I'm not around and their Sunday Fundays aren't exponentially more fun (maybe a little bit more quiet lol)...but mine are. My Sunday Fundays, my shifts at Rhino, my walks home, my late-night runs, and my days and nights spent in DC are incredibly affected and exponentially more fun because they are around. The boundaries I felt last year kept me fenced in and a bit closed off to this world I'm in now but that era is POOF! gone.

I Wish...

So I'm packing up the last twenty-two years of my life and moving out! WOWEE is an understatement. Of course I've packed large amounts of stuff and moved to and from college but you never take everything. You only take the warm weather stuff and whatever you absolutely need until Christmas break comes around and you can switch everything out. Not this time. This time I'm taking it all! I came across a small purple pillow that I used to actually keep under my pillow in my bed. It has a little pocket with a small pendant that says "Wish" on it. I honestly think I got it at a sleep over birthday party in fifth grade, and if I'm remembering correctly it was Sarah Prendeville's birthday party. There were different colored pillows that she gave out and I think they each had different sayings, ya know like "Hope" or "Happiness" or what have you (and I apologize if it wasn't Sarah and whoever it was is offended that I don't remember but such is life).

I forgot about it for awhile but I found it when we moved to our new house right before entering middle school. I was having the usual girly troubles in middle school with cliques and boys and decided to write out what I wished for and put it in the pocket of this pillow. I slept on it every night. Ok so you think that's cheesy? It gets way worse! I continued to write new "I Wish..." lists every so often up until the summer before starting college. I came across this pillow today and read all of my previous "I Wish..." lists.

I always started with my family. I wished for their happiness and health. If there was something specific going on or if a specific family member was having a tough time, I would mention him or her by name but other than that it was a general statement. Then I would go into more specific details about my friends. I always mentioned Sammy and Gabbie: "Sammy and I will continue to be best friends forever and ever. We will stay close even though we live in separate towns now :-( and Gabbie and I will be BFFs until the end of time, I LOVE HERRRRR!" They usually went something like that. Then I would briefly mention a few other names aka whoever I was close with at the time, "Feeny, Kelly, Mooch, Heather, Jenna, Erica, Amanda, Lexie, & Gabs OH EM GEE THE SPECIAL 10 xOxO LyLaS FoREvER" And then as the years went by, Sammy and Gabbie remained and I added in Lauren, Jackie, and Brielle and then of course, my Scrubby aka Allie, "I wish that Allie and I will go to Georgetown together and have THE BEST time ever!"

Then I'd add something in about softball - usually something like "I wish I have a great batting average this year" or "I wish Furious Flo Po wins the championship game." What an over-achiever I once was.

So that is all expected and kind of boring but what shocked me as a 22 year old more experienced woman is that even as a 6th grader I was extremely level-headed. Anytime I mentioned a boyfriend or love interest in these little letters it was, "Blank and I will stay together until the time is right to break up" or "I wish that Blank would like me but only when I'm ready because I'm very busy with this new school and workload" etc etc. I mean it was crazy. You'd think as a 6th or even 8th grader with a boyfriend I'd wish to stay together forever, get married, have babies, and live happily ever after! No, instead mine said, "I wish I could figure out what to do about my relationship with Blank because I really like him but I guess when the time is right I'll know what to do." LIKE REALLY, CHRISTIE?! I don't know whether to be proud, sad or what but it was shocking. All I could think was how much of a Capricorn I am.

[Capricorn: practical and prudent, ambitious and disciplined, patient and careful, humorous and reserved, responsible and resourceful, loyal and hard-working]

Anyway, I decided to get rid of the old "I Wish..." lists but got to thinking about what my list would consist of now & of course I wanted to write a post about it.

I'll start the same way because it seems to make a lot of sense: I wish for my family to be happy and healthy. I wish for their success in life, love, and business. And I wish the same for my friends. I don't think I need to list them all out, I mean that's soooo 7th grade but I wish them the best of luck in this transitional time of life. I also wish to remind them to FEEL ALIVE!

And true to form, I wish for a loyal and honest man in my life....but only when the time is right. I know I b!tch and moan all the time about not having a steady guy around but at the end of the day I know it's because the universe has a plan. You may be confused considering a mentioned a "Doozy" in the previous post but like I said, when the time is right what's meant to be will be.

And with that being said, I wish the time was right. I wish I could stop wishing for that feeling I get when he (whoever he may be) puts his arms around me or calls my name but that I'd actually have that in real life. I wish I didn't have to deal with 35 year old men who act like 15 year old boys. [Side note / update: remember the mega gym crush aka Gym Crush Uno y Solo that I made a fool out of myself with that dumb "thank...you..." story - well, turns out he noticed me too! We met outside of the gym, talked for like the last 2 weeks, but when I realized I had another "Sexaholic J" situation on my hands, I told him off and now he hides from me at the gym. Sweet.] I wish I didn't have to tell these stories anymore.

I wish for success in business. I wish to find the job and the lifestyle that fulfills me. I wish to make something substantial out of this blog because I could write and write and write all day errrrryday!

I wish I could move my gym and most of the people in it to Washington with me. I want to pack Allison, my Zumba instructor, in my suitcase goddammit. I wish I could lose weight and tone up simply by breathing.

I wish I really knew who framed Roger Rabbit.

I wish lettuce and vegetables tasted WAY better than a chicken parm sub and a milkshake. I wish there weren't any calories in alcohol (LAM) and that hangovers did not exist.

I wish I could dance...like really dance. I'm talking like Jenny from the Block kinda dance or a Beyonce kind of ability to dance. Sure, I move decently well for a white chick from Jersey but I wanna be in a music video kinda dancer. Speaking of, I wish I could sing so I could collaborate with Pitbull or will.i.am.

I wish it was the way of the world that we actually wanted what we have not what we can't or don't have.

I wish Jen and Brad were still married, they were so cute together.

I wish for strength. I'm pretty sure that no matter how much fun I'm going to have in this next chapter, it's going to be difficult and overwhelming. It's going to be spontaneous yet rocky and unpredictable. I wish for the strength, the confidence, and the courage to power through.

I wish strapless shirts and dresses didn't make me look like a football player. I wish high heels didn't hurt a bit and I wish I could pull off that "I just rolled outta bed and look this hot" look.

I wish I lived in an era when this song was still popular...

Sassarella Says...sometimes I just wish I knew what to wish for. It's tough to even think about what I want when I really have no idea what I'm doing or where I'll end up. Well, I guess that's not entirely true but do you know what I mean? I have general ideas about what I want, ya know the basics: love, happiness, success, etc but not a lot of specifics just yet about what those really look like when I break em down. And finally I wish for you to tell me what you wish for so I can stop worrying about how I don't know what they will look like broken down and focus on someone else's life for a hot minute. Deuces.

"A moment, a love, a dream aloud, a kiss, a cry..." - The Temper Trap

Listen to this while you're reading and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

"Sweet Disposition" by The Temper Trap

To put it bluntly, growing up can really suck sometimes. While the idea that the world is our oyster can be appealing, it can also be overwhelming and terrifying. Trying to figure out what we're going to do, how we're going to do it, and the whole time not knowing if we made the right decision or if anything is going to work at all is a burden that we 20 somethings bear by default. For the last week and a half, I've attempted to keep on truckin and the whole time I'm hoping and praying that I'm doing right by my life. Through this I've come to understand that I'm never going to be completely sure of anything but fortunately with this burden we bear we are also given the gift of youth. What gets us through this time in our lives is the need to feel alive. Think about it: we're in search of a job, a place to live, a significant other, or even simply a new bar to go to on a Friday night but we're not just looking for any job, city, guy, or bar....we're looking for the ones that make us feel alive. We're looking for the job that makes us want to get up every morning. We want to live in a place that keeps us moving, active and stimulated. We're searching for that guy or girl that makes our dopamine levels go crazy. We want to feel alive in every aspect of our lives and we're young enough to do it.

So in case you haven't heard, I'm moving to Washington, DC. I got a studio apartment in Dupont, I got my old job back at Rhino (so come watch some football!), and I'm looking for a day job. I went down this weekend for the first Saturday of college football (LET'S GO STATE!) and it felt great to be back. The first thing I did when I got there was I went on a run around town. I ran from Georgetown to where my new apartment is, which I hope to move into this week, and felt alive. I saw four or five people I know on the street, I got re-aquinted with the city, and felt skinnier in seconds! It's a very different feeling being there not as a college student but as a regular person. Not that I didn't enjoy college, but I almost felt relieved to not have the obligations that go along with college life (like classes, roommates, and events).

Catching up with Sophie at dinner, having a drink at The Whale, and ending the night at Rhino felt the same but different. I can't wrap my brain around how to describe it but you know that when I do I'll write a post about it. However, for now just know that I was beaming from ear to ear. It felt like I had come home.

The next day at work was when it really sunk in though because I was right back in the swing of things. It was somewhere between seeing the regulars again, singing "Give Me Everything" with Brittany, and the first dun dun dun dun dun dun dun P! dun dun dun dun dun dun dun S! dun dun dun dun dun U! that I knew I was at least on the right track. Like I said, I can't be absolutely certain that I'm making the right choice to move back to DC but I do know that I feel alive when I'm there. I'm a somewhat different person in that city and whatever that little tweak is, I'm its biggest fan.

Later that night I went back home to New Jersey and had one more bittersweet night at Sona. With the exception of missing Gabaroooni, I could not have asked for a better group to go out with. In the car on the way there, Tanya, Lauren, Hillary and I were singing and dancing when one of those pangs of pain hit me like a ton of bricks. These are my closest girlfriends that I've come to develop very meaningful friendships with not just go out and be crazy friends but when we do go out and get crazy, I feel alive. We take that bar by storm and couldn't have a bad time if we tried! I never laugh as hard, dance as intensely, or sing as loudly as do when I'm with them. "Ohhh HAAAAAAY Kid Cudi, YEAH BUDDY!" It was also wonderful having him around on a night like last night. He made me feel alive and I'll see ya soon, "Doozy."

Sassarella Says...do whatever it is that makes you feel alive. We want so much to have control over our lives and to have it all figured out but it's impossible to ever completely achieve that. There is only so much we can predict and prepare for so in the meantime we have to do what we need to do to get by. If whatever it is that you're doing, whoever it is that you're seeing, or however you're living gives you that all over good feeling then ya gotta be doing something right. I'm under the impression that as long as I keep feeling alive and well, then the rest will fall into place....fingers crossed!