Thursday, April 26, 2012

Hey Hoyas, We'll Always Have Lau!

Work brought me back to campus this week for the second time in the last two months since I graduated almost (YIKES) a whole year ago. Each time I return, I am smacked in the face with nostalgia, "I used to live there, we used to gossip about bitchy girls over there, we used to dance our way to class here, I used to get coffee here, I ran into that awful and regretful hook up over there...." etc, etc. So much happens in four years...the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I am reminded of the actual happenings but I can also tune in to exactly how I felt on particular parts of campus and at particular times in my journey. Passing through the different buildings, hearing up to six different languages in one hallway of rooms, and overhearing a casual yet completely intense political debate, I am reminded of how difficult it was for me to feel intelligent while at Georgetown University. I'm just going to go ahead and say it, it's hard to feel smart at Gtown unless of course you are one of the really smart ones. I was surrounded by some Harvard rejects, high school valedictorians, and type-A, over-achieving politically, medically, and economically driven and inspired minds all the time which left a lot of room for self-doubt.

That is a low point of memory. My memory reminds me of the times of pure stress, procrastination hell, hatred, and complete loss of hope but then I saw her. I saw a girl sitting on the floor reading on a book outside a 2nd floor classroom in ICC. I used to be her and I used to be her quite happily. I loved (ok, nerd alert), I used to love going to class really early and getting a spot in that quiet hallway. After seeing her and being reminded of that nerd-esque slash very intelligent side of myself I decided then and there to change my perspective. Here's my new perspective: I did it. I effing did it, biotches.

"Yo Adrian...."

No matter what I do or don't do from now on in my entire life, I will always have the big, shiny diploma framed in a big, bold frame letting the entire world know in Latin that Christine Leigh Nigara graduated from Georgetown freakin' University. BOOOO-YAH!

Everyone will tell you that it's what you make of that big, shiny diploma framed in that big, bold frame and what you make of the experience, the relationships formed, and the journey and well, of course it is! Trust me, I'm not denying that but here's the thing...think about the zillions of things in life that can be taken from you. Someone can take away your job, your relationship, or steal any of your material possessions. Some higher power, God or whatever you believe in, can take away your health or even your life but no one, not my boss, my boyfriend, my brotha, my sista, my best friend, not even God can take Georgetown away from me. I did it and it's done. I'll always have Lau.

But hey! Even if Lau, the Georgetown library, falls to the ground, I'll still have it in my blood, sweat, and tears. I'll still know the work that went into that big, shiny diploma framed in the big, bold frame and I will be forever proud. With the last year not turning out quite as planned, (that's a whole 'nother can of worms but anyway) I needed to be reminded of a proud and satisfactory time in my life. I am proud of my school, my experience, and most importantly, myself.

Sassarella Says...what do you hang your hat on? Maybe it's not school for you. Maybe you were once an incredible athlete who helped your team win a championship. Maybe you served time in the military. Maybe you ran for office and won or maybe you sent yourself abroad and had an irreplaceable cultural experience. Whatever makes you feel most proud about yourself should be something that cannot be taken away from you.

Monday, April 23, 2012

DJ CFabb: Just Cuz

This one goes out to the handful of people who have asked me for new music. I highly suggest downloading all of them.

"Give Me Kuduro" (Pitbull // Don Omar) - The White Panda (hiiiiii TANYA!)

"Levels vs. Someone That I Used to Know" - Avicii vs. Gotye

"Where Have You Been" (Hardwell Club Mix" - Rihanna

"Call Me Maybe" (Gabe Flaherty Remix) - Carly Rae Jepsen

"Ass Back Home" (Panic City Remix) - Gym Class Heroes ft. Neon Hitch

"Surprise Greyhound" (Swedish House Mafia, Busta Rhymes, & Tiesto, The Wanted, Axwell & Ivan Gough, Dragonette) - Sex Ray Vision

"Return of the Mack" (Viceroy "Jet Life" Remix - Mark Morrison

"Goodbye" - Fly Project

"All About Tonight" - Pixie Lott

"Breaking Spring" - 5 & A Dime

"Girl Gone Wild" (Avicii Remix) - Madonna

"Neon Lights" - Natasha Bedingfield

"Monday Morning" - Melanie Fiona

"Eyes Wide Open" - Dirty South & Thomas Gold ft. Kate Elsworth

"Can't Stop Me" (Club Mix) - Afrojack & Shermanology

"Bounce" (Banana Dynamite Remix) - Calvin Harris

Sassarella're welcome!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Restoration of Faith

I exist in a world in which I rely on a higher power. I rely on intentions set by the universe that I cannot control. I believe that things happen for a reason and that even if it takes awhile, that things will always work out for me. I have faith in those intentions and know that no matter how terrible the situation is, that whatever it is will pass.

I moved to Washington, DC with the knowing intention that to live in this city makes me happy. I spent the first few months here bonding in a stronger way with old friends, addicting myself to yoga, working at a job that I love, and having a great time with a guy. I thought things could not get any better, which inherently made me weary of when, as they say, the other shoe would drop. In the last few months, the other shoe was on its way to dropping, hard core. As I mentioned in a previous post, I was spreading myself too thin and all that made me happy went out the window. I stopped spending as much time with my friends, one Silly Sally in particular, I stopped going to yoga, I resented the job I loved for taking me away from sleeping, and I lost the guy. I never actually thought about leaving DC, but hell I barely had time to even think about being unhappy because I was too busy and therefore exhausted. I did wonder how long I could possibly go on this way though.

Finally, one piece of the puzzle worked itself out. My faith was restored in yous with the penises. One of you guys actually started to do things right and believe me I fought it off. I fought it off hard because I was busy, tired, and down right terrified but I thankfully knew when it was time to stop fighting him off. He has restored my faith in commitment and in the idea that two people can actually be in this together, so to speak. I have little to zero doubts and it feels good.

Despite that, those other pieces still nagged at me. I visited New Jersey for a weekend in the midst of all of this. It was amazing. It felt better than ever to be in my house with my parents and my dog and to see most of my core group of girl friends. The ease at which we fall right back into place only proves how deeply connected we are and how when we post on Facebook once a week, "I MISS YOU!!!!! Love you, betch!" that we truly mean it. I can speak candidly with them about anything in the world. I have complete trust in these women and just seeing Tanya sitting next to me at dinner made me smile. Lauren and I had that moment at the bar, facing each other as we danced and mouthing to each other how much we miss the other one. That moment is immediately followed up by the other moment in which we both yell at each other, "STOP, don't go there, STOP" aka we don't want to start sobbing in the middle of the Sona dance floor. I watched Hillary and Gabs bop around the bar, making a scene as usual, and couldn't help but sigh a big sigh of relief that nothing has changed around here. I have complete faith in my ties to New Jersey.

Although, it was tough. It was really tough to leave, especially when I knew I was going back to a land where my faith and happiness was a bit shaky. I put up with the shakiness for another week or so before I had finally had enough, but you already know about that.

So thankfully I am here to say that my faith has been restored. While walking home from yoga I had that corny moment that I tend to have every now and then about my life. I looked around DuPont Circle and watched people walking around, getting in and out of cabs, chatting with their friends at outdoor cafes and it hit me; today my faith in Washington, DC was restored. It was quite possibly the most perfect weather I could ever ask for, I was strutting around in yoga pants, listening to a great song, and I felt amazing. I looked around and thought, "I LIVE HERE. WOOT!" I got home and he stopped by just to say hello. Apparently others are noticing a difference too because the first thing he said was, "You're smiling. I like it." Just goes to show how rare those were for awhile there.

And now I'm sitting at a outdoor coffee shop, listening to music, and writing a blog post. I have a cute new summer scarf and my "aren't I so artsy" glasses on, an iced coffee in hand, and my "bible" out. I feel like me again. I am finally, once again, the person who I've been cursing off for the past few months because walking by them made me envious of their release, their freedom, and their personal time. I realized that it's easy to lose faith in yourself, in your lifestyle, in your relationships, or in your city but if you want it back, you can have it. Sometimes we lose faith because at our core we really don't want something we once had faith in, whatever it is, and it eats away at us until we either make a change or let it defeat us. But this girl, yeah this one right here, really did not want to hate Washington, DC or my life here. I really wanted to love it again and aha! I do. Faith comes to those open to accepting it.

Restoration of faith.

Sassarella Says...

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Dependable to a Fault

It's simple: earn money. We are told every day that we need to earn money to live and be happy. We need to earn money so we can pay our rent and our Internet and water bills. We need to earn money so we can go out to dinner on Wednesday night and sign up for Down Dog Yoga. It's simple: earn money. We earn money so we can travel to Florida, to buy new clothes, and buy gifts for a birthday girl. In my mind for the last two months or so it was so simple....earn money. Earn as much money as I possible can.

However simplicity is not so simple. To make such a simple task possible, I was juggling three jobs and trying to please three bosses. There is nothing simple about that at all. Especially when two of those bosses and two of those jobs are ones that I have personal relationships and ties to. I never wanted to let any of them down. I never wanted to have to tell any of them that I couldn't make it on a day or time that one of them needed me to be there.

On a weekly basis my boyfriend tried to convince me to quit one of my jobs or to at least call out a day or two but I refused. I told him that I can't just not show up or bail when one of those jobs was depending on my presence. To this argument he responded by saying, "One of the things I absolutely love about you is your insane work ethic. You are a reliable and dependable employee and person, but you can't be dependable to a fault." That statement kinda stuck with me until I finally gave my two weeks notice to one of the three jobs.

Never wanting to be the girl who needs to ask for rent money from her parents, I worked to the point that even my dad was yelling through the phone, "QUIT A JOB AND GET BACK TO YOGA!"

So, at times I will admit that I am dependable to a fault. At the expense of my health, my well-being, my previously kick ass yoga arms and ass, and my overall happiness, I was earning money and allowing everyone and their mother to depend on me.

By simply eliminating a job, I went to a yoga class and am writing a blog post for the first time in about two months. I'm back to having a smile on my face at the remaining two jobs, and I'm able to show the man who put up with my bitchiness every morning how happy I am to have him around. So as my Tanya Bo Banya would say, "EFF that NOISE!" because I need to be able to start depending on myself again. I hardly had any time for the things that make me truly happy, like blogging, practicing yoga, and having a clean room but I feel free again. I feel like I am slowly getting back to neutral.

Sassarella Says...being a dependable person is a wonderful thing. I know that my friends, family, co-workers, and bosses can rely on me for whatever they might need but at what cost? At the cost of my hot bod, my sleep, or my relationship? Nahhh, I think not.