Thursday, June 30, 2011

DJ CFabb: Gon do it do it do it

4th of July weekend...dts...leggo!

The drive down: "I Wanna Go" by it's Britney, Biiiitch
Hot damn, she's still got it!

Getting ready with the girls: "Girls Who Run the World" by 3LAU

Pre-gaming / in the cab: "Mr. Saxobeat" by Alexandra Stan

Out at the Jersey Shore: "All Night Long" by 3LAU

Getting down and dirty at the Jersey Shore: "Pause" by Pitbull

On the beach: "Two Step" (Basic Physics Remix) by Dave Matthews Band

Run / Shower after the beach: "Drowning vs. Hide & Seek"
(JRowe Mash-up) by Avicii & Imogen Heap

Happy hour on the patio: "The Big Bang" by Rock Mafia

Dinnahh time / bbq: "Stereo Hearts" by Gym Class Heroes ft. Adam Levine
I'm obsessed - I might just keep this on repeat awl weekend!

The morning after: "Stereo Hearts Mash-up" by Collin McLoughlin
I love love love this guy.

The drive back home: "Best Thing I Never Had" by Beyonce

Sassarella em, buy em, listen to em, love em, rock out to em.
Be safe kinda safe this weekend! HAVE FUN :-)

Monday, June 27, 2011

Weekend Warrior: Umm excuse me but who the h-e-double hockey stick let you in here?

So for days I've been trying to put together a post about all of the wonderful and fun things that have been happening to me lately. Literally, since Friday morning I've been trying to put something together but nothing ever seems to fit quite right. There never seems to be any point to the post other than to simply show off the good times and relive the memories and quotes until tonight.

"Take into account that great love and
great achievements involve great risk" - Dalai Lama

The utter greatness: Wednesday night I went on date numero tres and had a fabulous time. I had left the second date a little shaky but was reassured last week that this dude makes me happy. I was also reassured of my fondness for how things were going. We talked a bit about what I was thinking, such as how I'm totally at ease with talking when we talk, seeing each other when we see each other, and not worrying about it when we don't do either of those things. I think that is a first for me, unless I really just haven't liked the guy (then obviously who would care) but I'm for the first time liking someone without over-thinking things. When I do see him, we have fun and he makes me laugh. I'm not trying to turn it into something that it's not...done and done.

Thursday I had lunch with the Butthead Friend. It was lovely. It really felt a lot like old times; he tells me his problems, I listen and advise, he tells me I'm right, I think to myself that he knows I'm right but he's not going to listen anyway, etc, etc. No, but really, it was great to see him and feel like we are slowly re-building our friendship. As he was saying goodbye, he gave me his puppy dog, sad eyes look that he does when he's hurting. I think the look stemmed from a place of depression that he knew his romantic relationship was over but also (I like to think) in admiration of his friend, me, who has been there for him more times than I probably should have been. We texted later that day about how awesome lunch was and I felt like a million bucks.

I went to one of the greatest Zumba classes I have ever taken. "Rabiosa!"

And a few hours later Tanya Bo Banya and Hill Horo Babes came over. Within 5 minutes of them being in my room I was hysterically laughing. Having come straight over from work, T was rubbing her entire body from ears to toes with a wipe trying to de-stench herself of pizza and marinara sauce. Hill Babes, while adding more pieces of hair to her head, was telling me the story of how she full on flashed the Tiki Bar like it was nothing. I adore these girls. We went to Sona, duh, and boy does it pay to have gorgeous friends. The owner took a strong liking to Tanya and bought us several rounds of Patron and vodka sodas. We danced awhile and then of course wanted pizza across the street (I don't even remember the name of the place). On the restaurant's second night of business, T and I felt it was our duty to offer them our advice. I'm suddenly a former manager and T is suddenly the current manager at Nonna's (both false, but Drew, give this girl a promotion!) in an attempt to show this guy that we know what we're talking about. The owner then offered us some vino, on da hizzouse, while we chatted with Tanya's detective friend. He also drove us home, bless his soul.

Me: "Wow, you live kinda far away. Does it take you a long time to get home?"
Detective: (flips on the siren) "Nope, not at all." Touche.

On Saturday night I drove down the shore looking for a new environment. I found it....sorta. I walked to The Parker House and as I'm approaching the entrance, I certain Cheetah comes popping out of cab. What a coinkidink! The Cheetah and I head in and stumble upon the rest of the group. I love love love LOVE the Parker House. If you live in northern Jersey and want to see anyone from high school either your age, a few years older, or a few years younger, this is the place to be. As many people as I did know, including some Georgetown people, I liked that the bar was so big that it's not possible to know everyone. Although everyone was that same type of person, J. Crew wearing, former lacrosse playing, J.P. Morgan working kinda crowd so it felt like you knew everyone. It was a strange, yet comforting feeling for a summer beach night.

The night continued on at Leggetts Sand Bar. I fell in absolute love with Leggetts because the first song I heard as we walked in was "Uptown Girl" by Billy Joel and of course because they let me kneel on the bar stools. Naturally I drunk text my mom (hey, it's better than some other options...)

Me: "Looovvveeeeee shaaaacckkkkk!"
Mom: "That's where it's at!! Loooveeee shack! Step away foool....!"
Me: "Steepppp away omg ok so now shot through the hearrrrtttt!"
Mom: "Where are you nut job? Bar A?" (Yeah, that "Bar A" thing just happened)
Me: "No, Leggetts. I'm kneeling of course aka I love this bar because they let me do my pose."

I continued to appreciate my youth. Poor Cheetah....Gabs and I "iced" him...twice...on his own tab...while he was talking to a blonde in a red dress. Loved it. He also kept ordering beers in rounds of 10, but leaving them in front of me was a bad idea because I was passing em out like candy! It was your typical Jersey Shore, "Take Me Home Tonight"/ "Your Love" (by the Outfield, not Nicki Minaj) / "Don't Stop Believing" kinda night and I was loving every second of it a few inches taller than everyone up on my bar stool.

Mom: "Wishing I was 22 when you were 22!"
Me: "No, we wouldn't have made it out alive."

I'm happy to report that my night ended with a slice of chicken parm pizza, a lovely interaction with a Jersey cop named "Java" or "Jaba" (I'm still not sure which) and the overwhelming satisfaction that I am over the Roller Coaster. I made it through a night with him, better yet, I genuinely had a blast. There was no anger, no depression, no jealousy...just a bunch of friends fist pumping and singing away. Now, finally, after all this time the "..." is eliminated from our relationship and not just by him but by me (Ashley Herbert, anyone?) I got me some honey. Throughout all of this, the only thing I was missing was my LAM. I kept turning to tell her things or to nod is excitement over a great song but she wasn't there. MISS YOU, DARLING! Can't WAIT for you to come back to me xo

Two weeks ago I was sooooo happy because I had my own routine, I had the house to myself, and I knew what to expect. I was eating right, I was exercising and taking care of myself. Now in the last few days, I've been sooooo happy because of the people and events taking place in my life. New boy toy, Butthead Friend, T-Money and Hill Horo Babes, Gabarooni, the Cheetah, Roller Coaster, etc all fell into place and I had a blast.

So tonight I was taking down every personal item in my room. We've been trying to sell our house so we've been advised to make the rooms as neat and tidy as possible with next to no personal artifacts in sight. My room is also getting painted so when I say everything needs to come down, I mean e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g needs to come down. All of my picture frames are down, I ripped the collages off my doors, and took apart all of the cloth boards of memories and movie ticket stubs. My room is plain, it is simple, and it is clean....or is it lonely?

It made me think of the movie characters that I never really understood.  Throughout the first half of the film he, or let's just say she is portrayed as a workaholic or loner and then there's the montage of her eating a small dinner alone at the island in the kitchen, doing the laundry, running on the tread mill and popping open a book in bed before going to sleep. She seems totally happy with this lifestyle until she meets someone so fabulous and her life is completely rocked. She has kept people out of her life in order to protect herself from getting hurt without even realizing it. She then has a fight with the new fabulous person and she thinks, "See! I should've just kept on doing what I was doing." But then yada yada she realizes that she's never known happiness like she does with new person and fairy tale, happy ending, whatever.

Take Sandra Bullock's character in "The Proposal" as an example.

I get this character now. Just like my room, I stripped everything away from my life. I kept it simple by sticking to what I know works and taking complexity out of it. Go to work, go to gym, run an errand, eat dinner (same thing every night btw), watch tv, go to sleep, wake up and do it all over again. Now, I've added people and it's scaring the hell out of me. Ummm excuse me but who the hell let you in here? When you're on your own, only you can ruin the goosfraba but by adding people you care about, you are giving them a lot of power.

For example, I found out tonight that Butthead Friend is back with the girl who he has allowed to keep us apart for months. Before last week, I wouldn't have cared as much but now he's back and I'm loving it. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be shocked if it all gets taken away again. The new guy, well I'm nervous that with every time I see him I'm going to care more and more about who calls who, why he hasn't called, or when I'll see him next. I'll care that right now he's busy, then I'm going to busy, and then I'll be in California and we won't really have seen each other. The point is that it is easy to think that I'm happy when I'm on I'm own, doing my thing, because it is safe. When I add others to the mix, I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable to whatever they throw at me. I wanna hide out at the grocery store and the gym for awhile longer. I feel like it's only a matter of time, like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop because it's not possible to be this at ease. When I start to have these thoughts, I literally force a different one in my head. I try not to think about it.

I guess I'll just have to trust that the people I allow close enough to me will consider my happiness almost as seriously as I consider it. I will do what I can to do the same in return.

Sassarella Says...if I trust you enough to let you in, please be good to me. Putting up walls, keeping people out, and living a safe life is boring. We need to feel connected to others in order to learn and grow to be a better person. We also just have a heck of a lot more fun! I gotta figure out how to maintain both states of ease and content, in my own routine and in my relationships with others.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

13 Things I'm Absolutely Awesome At

1. Obsessing over my blog. When I have a post on the brain, I ignore most other responsibilities and become completely immersed in what I'm writing. You can tell, or at least I can definitely tell, when I've written a post that I didn't devote the proper amount of time or energy to. Some posts are meant to be more off the cuff but the really intense ones take me hours to write and re-write. I keep a notebook next to my bed because I wake up at all hours of the night and jot down ideas. I also have a memo on my phone so wherever I am I can make a note of songs, quotes, or details of an event that inspire me. I haven't figured out what exactly I'm going to make of this blog as a whole but I'm absolutely awesome at obsessing over it.

2. Talking smack. I trash talk on the reg about all sorts of things. I notice it particularly when I'm flirting, especially with someone I'm just starting to get comfortable with but not totally there yet. Talking to a guy with arm muscles the size of my head, "I could crush you," I'll tell him repeatedly. "Oh! I can keep up, please that's no problem," I'll tell the bartenders in DC who practically drink for a living. I'll debate for the sake of debating in a playful way. I may not always make a good point but I'm absolutely awesome at talking some serious sh!t.

3. Making grand gestures. When I get my head set on doing something, it will take a lot to talk me out of it. A month or so ago Lauren and I were talking about a former trainer at our gym that I had a mega crush on last year. We ran into him at Sona and decided that he is not nearly as attractive as I once thought he was. "It was a phase," I said. To which Lauren responded, "Yeah the phase when you had bigger balls than most men." I left my phone number on the trainer's car and told him to call me. He did, but he had a girlfriend and I'm pretty sure he thought I was I got that going for me. I may not always be successful but I'm absolutely awesome at making bold moves.

4. Binge eating after 9pm. If and when I'm going to over eat or eat poorly, it is most definitely going to happen after 9pm. Partly because I binge when I'm bored or lonely but also because I'm a closet eater. I only like to eat extra snacks when I know that no one will know about it. Good thing I just ended that. Although I'm on a really fabulous run recently, food wise, that does not involve binge eating, I'm absolutely awesome at eating 3 bowls of cereal after 9pm.

Thankfully I've never stooped this low.
 I binge on granola bars and pretzels...such a fatty, I know.

5. Faking it when I'm sober. I either really want it to be over or I like you enough to spare your feelings. "Wow, this is so NOT worth staying up late for, let the show begin...." OR "He's hot, maybe it'll be better next time but for now, let the show begin..." OR "Good God he's off his game tonight, wtf is going on here, I know you can do better so I won't judge but tonight let the show begin..." I prefer not to fake it but if I have to, I'm absolutely awesome at it. 

6. Sweating at the gym. This is gross but when I work out I sweat like a mo fo. Until recently, it was a serious struggle for me to get to the gym but sweating a lot and feeling like I've lost 500 pounds made it worth it. Now that I'm recently all about the gym I'm still loving the fact that I sweat a sh!t ton but there are brief moments when I hate it. Por ejemplo, there is a guyyyyy (omigod) that I see there almost every day and would love to talk to (see #3) but we seem to be crossing paths AFTER my treadmill session as opposed to before the session when I still look decent. It might knock down my confidence when it comes to ze men at ze gym but I'm absolutely awesome at kicking my own ass.

7. Lying. Say what? Helllooo, I mean in a planning a surprise party kind of way. I'm really good at keeping secrets and if telling little white lies is required well then I'M YA WOMAN. I like planning surprise events, secret outings, and even though I'm too excited to breathe I manage to keep things hush hush. You have no idea whether or not this is true because unless you've caught me in a lie, which I highly doubt, you don't even KNOW what I could have fibbed about. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. Anyway, don't ever ask me to lie about cheating on your spouse but if I had to, I'd be absolutely awesome at it.

8. To-Do Lists. I keep a running list of things I need to do in the same notebook that I make blog notes in. If I ever lost this notebook, I'd be lost. I have an overall list and then there are lists for each day. On a daily basis I even add times to correspond with each activity. It's a sickness. I particularly enjoy crossing things off the list. I may alter things along the way but I'm absolutely awesome at making lists and crossing crap off of them.

9. Being dramatic. "This is the worst day everrrrrr," I'll frequently moan when I'm purposely being dramatic and when the circumstances that make it "the worst day ever" are trivial and just really annoying. I'm a reasonable and level-headed kinda kid but I can freak out with the best of them. I'll go from happy and normal at noon to crying and depressed by 3pm, it's an art form. I can exaggerate a situation, how it made me feel, and make someone believe it. Some may call it moody, but I'm absolutely awesome at being a true diva.

Dramatic much?

10. Foreplay. For the most part, I'm a well-behaved chica. I learned very quickly that there are benefits of being just a tad of a tease. Why? Well in the sense that since I know from the start that he ain't getting my golden ticket, as Deena would say, but if I still want to make sure he's intrigued for more, ya gotta do something more than sit there like a vegetable. Making eye contact, giggling (which happens naturally anyway), touching his arms, massaging, ya know awl the good stuff...I've got down pat. I mean I don't wanna brag or anything but I'm pretty ding dang dong gooood at getting the little friend to say heyyrrooo. Then I usually say buh bye to the little friend but I'm absolutely awesome at waking it up. (Did that really just happen? Pshhhhh)

11. Music recognition. I can hear a song, recognize the artist's voice, remember a lyric, Google it, download it, and love it in a flash. I have very good voice recognition abilities that make it possible to update my iTunes library constantly. I can also decode others, "Ya know it's like that song that goes...", my mom will say to me while making weird body gestures. I can tell just by the way she moves or by two words that she sings completely off beat and out of tune, what song she is thinking of. It drives me crazy that she can never remember songs, their lyrics, or the artist but I'm absolutely awesome at it so WHO CARES?

12. Screening calls. If I don't want to talk to someone, click. I have no patience for being on the phone with other than a small and select group of people....Britney Spears, Jon Stewart, Beyonce, and of course my boyfriend, Bradley Cooper. Ha kiddddding, bad joke. Anyway, if I'm not in the mood, I'll screen for hours, days, whatever. Don't take it overly personally if you feel I've done this to you because I also like to leave my phone upstairs, downstairs, here or there, just wherever is not next to me. I don't like to feel completely available to everyone at any given time and I'm absolutely awesome at ignoring anyone who's not "on the list."

The queen bee at phone call screening.

13. Learning a lesson. It might take me awhile but if there is a lesson to be learned, I will learn it eventually. I'm passionate, which makes me vulnerable in a lot of situations but my vulnerability allows me to grow (how Chicken Soup of me to say). I fall hard, I fall fast, and then I get knocked on my ass but then I'll get back up and learn from whatever it was that kicked me over. How many more cliches can I put in this paragraph? Let's see. "You know what they say, fool me once...strike 1, fool me twice...strike 3," well said, Michael Scott. Why does he explain life so well? Anyway, with the exception of eating certain foods that I know make me sick or doing certain exercises that I know give me pain, when I find out something is unhealthy for me, I learn my lesson and move on. Whether it be about clothes that don't look right on me or men who don't fit right with me. Same goes for the opposite, if I learn that someone suits me very well....I'll do it or have it or want it over and over again (that's what she said). It might take me longer than I might like sometimes but I'm absolutely awesome at learning a lesson.

Sassarella Says...embrace and cherish the fabulous qualities that make you who you are. I have my quirks, for example, I'm a perfectionist and I don't know how it looks on all of your screens but the way the title of this post doesn't fit on one line will probably give me nightmares. I am who I am, biotches.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

13 Things I'm Absolutely Awful At

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not" - Kurt Cobain

1. Leaving a bar before it closes. Whether I'm in New Jersey at Sona, at Rhino or The Whale in DC, or out and about in New York City, it is incredibly difficult for me to leave a bar before last call. Well, actually let's call a spade a spade, it is incredibly difficult for me to leave a bar before I'm being physically kicked out by the bouncers. In the case of Rhino, I'm not satisfied to leave unless I've helped clean up and every employee is on his or her way out. Of course, this habit is encouraged by my partner in crime, LAM, but no matter what I'm awful at leaving a bar before I'm being kicked out. 

2. Pretending to give a sh!t about something I don't give a flying flip about. In general, when a situation, conversation, or environment is boring me, I have a very hard time pretending that it is not. I can be quite the staunchy brat. I can't pretend to have any interest in an issue, event, or cause that I'm not amused by. Luckily, when something does inspire me I can't shut up about it but I'm absolutely awful at pretending to give a crap about something that I could care less about.

I'm bored. Yawn.

3. Keeping in touch with my family. I really don't enjoy talking on the telephone so I lack the motivation to make those necessary phone calls. Are emails, Facebook messages, and texts personal enough in this lovely year of 2011? When it is just to say hello and ask how are ya, I'd say that they are acceptable forms of communication but that's just me. If a family member calls me, I'll call him or her back but I'm absolutely awful at contacting my family. I will try to be better.

I know, it's a very weak excuse. 

4. Resisting snacks after 9pm. Now that I'm going to work all day and then spending more time at the gym than usual (thanks to Zumba), I have less time in front the television at night than I am accustomed to. Due in part to the lack of time, I have a routine when I come home in terms of what I eat. I usually have soup for dinner with a slice of bread (I love carbs), followed by a frozen chocolate fudge bar. This usually gets me to about 8:30-8:45pm. As I sit on the couch and watch my various shows, it's only a matter of time before I want to munch. Next, I'll pop a bag of popcorn and grab a handful of pretzels, which usually gets me to about 9:30-10pm. Then after that I usually have some frozen fruit...bananas, pineapples, and mango are my favorite with a dash of Splenda and then sometimes (if I'm feeling crazy) I have a Jell-O thingy. Nutritionists, trainers, and mothers have theories about what a cut off time for eating should be at night but I snack all the way until 11pm...or sometimes even later. I'll usually grab and handful of something on my way upstairs too. I can resist snacks during the day but I'm absolutely awful at resisting them after 9pm. 

5. Faking it when I'm really drunk. Guys, I'm sorry but I can guarantee that you've been tricked at least once in your life. We fake it sometimes, it happens. For whatever reason, women typically have a much harder time. You would think that it would be easier when I'm drunk but it's not. First of all, if it's lame I just get really tired and want to sleep off the vodka. And secondly, I'm very much less aware of how my lack of emotion/passion/interest could hurt your feelings. My intoxicated self cares way less about your feelings and is not afraid to just stop and roll over. If you think about it, why do we fake it? It doesn't seem fair to us women. Are their poor wittle egos' just too fragile? That's a whole post in itself. Sorry, but I'm not sorry if you've been on the receiving end of my absolutely awful ability to fake it when I'm drunk.


6. Estimating the amount of time I need to get ready. There's nothing I hate more than having to sit around once I'm dressed and ready. I try to to wait as long as possible but with a few minutes cushion before I start the process of showering, doing hair, and applying make-up. Whether I'm going to work, to dinner, to a party, or on a date I so quickly go from having all the time in the world to rushing. I can't stand being late but I'm absolutely awful at anticipating how much time I need to get ready. 

7. Letting something go. If an experience I've really enjoyed, loved, or obsessed with is ending, I have a really hard time letting go. For example, before leaving Rhino after graduation, I wrote individual thank you cards, printed out pictures, cried my eyes out, and went back the next day to say goodbye one.more.time. I did the same for people at The Whale and McFadden's. I do this a lot. I write notes to everyone because I need them to know just how much I appreciate the experience. In terms of my personal relationships, whether with men or with friends, I will continue to fight until there is no fight left in me. I have to see and feel the bond break before I eventually try to let it go. When the rain is gone and I can see clearly, I'll let go of whatever it is but until then I'm absolutely awful at giving up on something that I genuinely care about. 

8. Designated driving. Some of my friends can have a different, but still great time, being the designated driver. I know people who can sip on a drink or two throughout the entire night at the bar and keep a smile on their face. They don't mind being bumped into, stepped on, and grinded all up on by drunk fools while the rest of us throw back shots. Not me, I make "the face." My face, which Lauren impersonates so well, is a total fake smile, "Just happy to be here.....NOT." I enjoy being sober, in fact on occasion I can make a non-exciting situation a good time situation, but I'm absolutely awful at having a fabbbbulous time as the designated driver. 

9. Holding back my opinion. I vent, you know it. The good, the bad, the ugly it all comes out one way or another. I'm absolutely awful at not telling it like it is. 

10. Making decisions about food. As previously mentioned in #4, I have a food routine every night. Partly because it is a nice combination of carbs, salts, and sweets but also because it is so easy. Don't ever ask me where I want to eat on a Saturday night because "I don't know" or "I don't care" will certainly be my response. Rarely do I crave certain types of foods so asking me what I'm in the mood for is a waste of time as well. On a well-behaved day, I eat lettuce and grilled chicken. I'm rarely going to choose any place other than one that serves that so go where you want to go and I'll find something. I can tell you where I don't want to eat but I'm absolutely awful at making a quick decision about a restaurant. 
11. Hiding my enthusiasm when a good song comes on. "Oooo! Omg, I love this song. Ohhh mahhhh gawd!" And then I do this little dip thing with my knees and shoulders, might even snap a little bit or bob my head. I'll immediately start to sing and sometimes close my eyes. I can't sing very well but I'm absolutely awful at hiding my passion for music. 

12. Playing mind games. Maybe I hate them because I suck at them but really, I just don't understand them or the rules that go along with them. Sometimes I tell myself that I'm going to attempt to be more mysterious and aloof when it comes to men. I'll want to make them suffer a little bit and wonder wtf is going on in my head...rawr...but who am I kidding, I'm absolutely awful at it. 

13. Holding a grudge. I'd much rather hash things out and get them over with. Put it in the past or else my teeth will undoubtedly start to hurt. Sure, if you piss me off I can be the witchiest witch you've ever met but I'm absolutely awful at feeling that way forever.

Sassarella are who you are for better or worse. Accept that there are just some aspects of you that aren't perfect. If you want to change and can work on those parts of you that are less than stellar, great, and if you can't then c'est la vie! I hope you noticed that some items on my absolutely awful list are not things that I would consider to be absolutely awful at all...just sayin'. Check back for things that I'm absolutely awesome at.

Monday, June 20, 2011

"When men are persistent, it's romantic, they make movies about that. If it's a woman, then they cast Glenn Close" - Ally McBeal

An open letter to society about relationships.
To: Society
From: Sassarella
Subject: Progress Report

     As a frequent visitor to the shady part of society, also known as Datesville, USA, I have a few words to say about the way in which you teach us to behave in romantic or possibly romantic relationships. As you can probably guess, this is not going to be a particularly praising letter, however, I do appreciate some of the vital components of Datesville. For example, I like that you have made it necessary for each person in Datesville to shower, put on deodorant, wear a nice outfit, brush teeth, and strive to make an overall positive, clean, and attractive impression on the fellow Datesman or Dateswoman. Shallow or not, no one can deny that if someone showed up to Datesville smelling like B.O. and covered in dirt, it is common practice to end the visit to Datesville right then and there. I also appreciate the continued practice of chivalry; it is not dead. Thank you for raising men who open doors, pick up the tab, and walk on the outside. I also thank you for a navy or black polo and jeans; the combination will get me just about every time. I appreciate you, Society, for media outlets that promote cologne and perfume. The right cologne...oooofaaa oh me oh my. Now that's enough praise for you, Society.
     As for why I'm really writing you this letter, sorry, but you knew the criticism was coming. I've got quite the bone to pick with you concerning what is acceptable for me to do versus what is not when it comes to my time in Datesville. Why is it that after a great second date it is required of the man to say "I'll call you" or "so let's do this again" or "are you free this week?" etc etc etc. If he does, it's adorable, wonderful, and re-assuring but if the girl says it, it's considered over-bearing, scary, and clingy. Society, you stink because then if he doesn't say any of those things, we women are left wondering why. Did it slip his mind? Should it slip his mind? Was he caught up in the moment and will text me tomorrow? Should I text him tomorrow to thank him, because I'm so polite, even though he didn't mention seeing me again? Four, five, six, sometimes even seven questions later, the question then arises: Am I completely over-thinking this entire thing?! ....Were his decisions calculated or just dumb guy stuff? Again, Society, why is it kosher for the man to address future interactions while it is clingy and needy for the girl to do so? Since there's no turning back on this technology craze that you've started, we all demand instant gratification and are pissed off when we don't get it. It makes me crazy, just sayin. So I'm hoping that a month from now he and I will be able to laugh about the dilemma that I faced for 15 hours of my weekend.

     I'd also like to ask you about this attraction business. Why, Society, have you made casual hook-ups, whether defined by sex or not, so common? It really messes with a girl's head but not mine of course, noooo way. In making this behavior acceptable, you have made it so that I cannot decipher between a guy who is into me for my personality and my body versus a guy who is just into my body. Please don't misunderstand, I am very happy to have men in my life who express their appreciation for my...assets...BUT in the early stages, how am I supposed to know the difference? Why does his overwhelming attraction to me, a natural and human form of expression, scare me so much? I have my theories but they all come back to YOU, Society, and how you teach us to behave. You tell us women that if he gives gentle kisses on the top of the head or the forehead that is a sure fire sign indicating that he really likes you....I'm gonna go ahead and call BULLSH!T. Please, I'm begging you Society, to stop telling me things like this because even though that occurred, this is real life, not a movie, and I'm still unsure.
     Going along with this sentiment, Society why did you make navy and black polos, pair them with jeans and the perfect cologne so that it's even more difficult for me to resist temptations while I'm trying to decipher his motives?! And WHY is it that because I'm a female I have to be concerned at all with his motives? If a guy chooses to mess around with a girl, it is what it is, but if a girl chooses to mess around too soon she is suddenly a sloooot and no longer girlfriend material. How rude of you.

     These are only a few examples of the double standards and codes of behavior that I, among other women, are faced with on a regular basis. Over drinks with Sammy, she was wondering why you can't go back to the days on the playground where there was a simple "I like you" from him and a "I like you too" from her and it was settled. I also wondered why phoning a friend isn't allowed anymore: "I want to send a friend over to the basketball hoop to ask him if he likes me and then come back over to the swings and report the answer." Life would be so much easier, Society! Can't you just go back to operating this way? You need to make some changes or else I am going to continue to suffer and attempt to sort through these issues until...until...who knows when! In case you turn the tables on me and write back saying, "why don't you stop going along with me and make your own rules?" I have an answer ready. And that answer is because I know people who are oblivious to the codes of behavior or simply choose to ignore them and that is not a good look on most women. They end up getting burned or looking like a social idiot because they "got all attached and emotional" feh! Unfortunately, life is not an indie, off beat, chick flick like Juno or 500 Days of Summer where being out of touch with reality and cute at the same time actually happens. These movies are not real life as of now, so Society, please stop encouraging us to be completely awkward, as they are in these films, in romantic settings until you make it so that it really does lead to the happily ever after.

     So anyway, Society, these are just some things I've been thinking about lately. Sassarella Says...Society, I need you to cut me some slack by making some g.d. changes to the relationship code of conduct! Just because I want to know where I stand does not make me clingy or scary. I should be freely allowed to ask such questions. Just because I want to look good on a date does not mean I want to be taken advantage of for looking good. Attraction is a wonderful and necessary part of life that should not make me question everything else. AND JUST BECAUSE he seems amazing does not mean sh!t until...until blah I don't know. If you would stop testing my new found goosfraba state of peace and happiness, I would really appreciate it. Point is, Society, you suck sometimes and there's not a whole lot I can do about it. I promise that if you work on changing your ways even just a little bit more in the favor of women...fine, I'll even take equality for goodness sake, but either way I will take full advantage of your new ways. As a peace offering, I will share with you new fabulous songs, compliments of Zumba! You Know You Love Me.


"Danza Kuduro" by Don Omar & Lucenzo

"Rabiosa" by Shakira & Pitbull

"Floor on Fire" by Lil Jon, Pitbull, & Machel Montano

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Please take note...

A Christie & Lauren Excursion
 A How-To Guide for Beginners

Chapter 1: The Plan
- Buy tickets
- Book hotel room
- Make 1,000 phone calls to each other in the days leading up to the event to discuss "the plan"
- Plan outfits ahead of time
- Make playlists on iPod
- Leave way too early
- Get lost and be thankful you left early
- Stop for moolah and food
- Change Facebook status to something fun & obnoxious

Chapter 2: Bring the Basics
- Sugar Free Red Bull
- Vodka (Absolut or Goose)
- Rold Gold Honey Wheat Pretzels
- Diet Coke
- Kelogg's Special K Chocolate & Peanut Butter bars
- iPod & speakers
- Multiple outfit options, even though you've had it picked out for days
- Bronzer
- Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs in Tan Glow
- Black eyeliner
- Camera
- Credit Cards

Chapter 2: The Pre-Game
- Change the outfit you've had picked out for days
- Be thankful you both brought plenty of options
- Periodically take shots of vodka
- Chase them with Red Bull, a pretzel, and "the face"
- Calm Lauren down (she'll think we're being poisoned by the cups at the hotel)
- Calm Christie down (she'll be convinced she still doesn't like her outfit)
- Make sure Lauren waits to "Cheers!" before every shot
- Dance to Weezy, Gaga, Avicii, & Wynter Gordon
- Save half of whatever you bought to eat because Lauren will take two bites of hers, pick it apart, stare at it, and then decide, "Ehhh I can't eat this"
- Pack a clutch - camera, phone, ID, $$, eyeliner, gloss, tickets, and room keys
- Get a little buzzed and talk about how long we've been friends
- Put the Speedies in the trunk
- Cut Christie off mid-sentence about the friendship because Lauren will undoubtedly start crying
- Re-do eyeliner and head out

Chapter 3: The Main Event
- Get the lay of the land
- Buy drinks
- Pick a spot on the dance floor and get moving
- Dance
- Jump up and down
- Dance
- Yell to "Ahhhh Veeeee Ciiiiiiii" 
- Sing to each other
- Dance
- Take pictures of us singing and dancing
- Dance
- Make a few friends
- Dance
- Shmooze the bouncers a little bit
- Introduce yourselves to everyone that works at the bar or club
- Dance
- Get backstage w/ the help of your new best friends, the bouncers
- Change your Facebook status to song lyrics and/or "BACKSTAGE!!"
- Muploads are a must
- Sweat your ass off dancing
- Talk about how you're getting a great work out
- Dance

Chapter 4: The Post-Main Event Adventure
- Walk to another bar
- Stop for drunk food on the way
- Make an entrance at the second bar
- Order drinks
- Have them paid for by the guy sitting next to you
- Laugh uncontrollably
- Dance
- Make friends with the bouncers / staff members here too
- End up on stage with the DJ
- Sing "My Heart Will Go On"
- Wish you hadn't just tried to sing "My Heart Will Go On"
- Wish a 21 year old a happy birthday and get him a shot.....on the house!
- Text Mama Kath pictures of Lauren being ridiculous
- Tell everyone at the bar, via microphone, that you are an accountant
- Sing "Jessie's Girl" very loudly until the DJ gives in and plays it
- Talk about how he finally played the song just to shut you up
- Stop moving for a minute and realize it's time to go home
- Call a cab
- Call the driver "Sir" and thank him endlessly
- Meet Dean, Ronnie's look-a-like from the Jersey Shore at the hotel (yes, that really happened)
- Change into Soffee shorts and pass out

Chapter 5: Really?
- Wake up in the middle of the night
- Giggle
- Chat about the night
- Replay every funny thing that happened
- Recall funny quotes from the night
- Wish that someone could deliver a G2 Gaterade
- Munch on the Kellogg Special K bars
- Talk about bodily functions

Chapter 6: The Aftermath
- Wake up early
- Complain about the headaches
- Check out of the hotel
- Stumble in to the WaWa for food and drink
- Hit the highway
- Slowly, but surely, remember all of the other absurd things that happened
- Anxiously check for "oopsies" in your call log, text messages, and Facebook
- Have a few regrets
- Get over it with a good song
- Upload pictures to Facebook
- Comment and/or "Like" the pictures
- Make one your profile picture

 "On a scale of 1 to funny, this is NOT funny"

What's funny is that depending on the excursion, the details on that list change a bit but for the most part you can be sure that a majority of those things always happen. Lauren is my favorite. Why? Well, because I like her better than the rest! On Sunday night, Lauren and I went to see Avicii at Surf Club. Neither of us knew what to expect from the day into night but even before we left the hotel room I made sure to let her know that I was already having a great time. Coming off of such an amazing experience at the Mumford & Sons' concert, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to enjoy such a completely different atmosphere. Here's the thing though, live music is live music. Watching a performer live in the moment and successfully engage the crowd is the same no matter what the environment. I was pleasantly surprised at how involved with the music I got. I fist pumped, I chanted, and I did the back bend and the head and hair back, look up to the ceiling and sing thing too. Passion for what you love is the same whether you're playing the guitar or spinning a turntable.

Sassarella Says...beat to your own drum. Lauren and I may have our quirks and we're constantly wondering if the stuff we find funny and fabulous really is funny and fabulous or if we just think it is....but who cares?! The pleasure we get from spending time together and from the weird crap we do is all that matters. Beat to your own drum, we sure do! I think Avicii sums it well in "Levels":

"Ohhh, sometimes, I get a good feeling, yeah
And a feeling that I never, never, never, never had before, no no
I get a good feeling, yeah"

Whatever gives you that good feeling, neva eva let it go.
Aka sorry Laur, but you and live music are stuck with me.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

DJ CFabb: "Align my body, my heart, my mind" - Mumford&Sons

I've always been somewhat of a loner. I prefer to do things on my own and am quite content to spend hours upon hours by myself. This week I learned that I am a "closet do-er." The term is usually used to describe closet eaters who binge eat when they think know no one is watching. In my case, I suddenly become this domestic freak when no one is watching. My parents were out of town for a few days (don't get any ideas, they are back now) but for a few days I had the house to myself. Parents, I love you dearly but I loved being on my own too. Every day I got up, made coffee, took care of Luc, went to work, went to the gym, did the laundry, ran the dishwasher, and even went grocery shopping. WTF?! Who's that imposter in my house? It's me, it's me. ("Who's that Spartan in my's me, it's me")

Recently, the thought of having this much uninterrupted time with the thoughts running through my head is exhausting and terrifying. I was interested to see how it was going to go, considering I hardly spoke to anyone for days while they were away. Let me now clarify something as well, I have always been somewhat of a loner but not always a happy loner. When the wheels are set in motion, I sometimes wish there was someone there to distract me from the chaos going on in my head. Anyway, on about the second day of my loner status, I realized that my teeth weren't hurting (my teeth hurt when I think too much, get anxious, or stressed because I subconsciously push my tongue against the front two... yes, I'm a looney toon). They weren't hurting because I was calm. A sudden wave of serenity and peace came over me.

A funny combination of things happened in a few days that I changed my entire outlook on "things." First of all, as evident in recent posts, I have been stressing about how I look and feel. Well, this week I finally started to lose those few pounds that I was bitching about awhile back and I also tried a zumba class. I refused to try it in the past because I knew I'd have to go with my mom and I knew she'd be watching me the whole time. I knew she'd look over at me every five seconds asking, "Isn't this soo fun?! I gotta try to get the hips moving better!" but like I said, my mother was out of town. Zumba was mine for the trying. I really am such a closet do-er, I don't get it, but what I do get is now that I've done it once without her I'm happy to attend the classes whether she's there or not. I'm pumped. I needed some motivation and a change of pace to get me looking forward to the gym instead of dreading it. FYI, if you don't know what zumba is, it is a hip hop/salsa dance class. Do it.

Another revelation was that I really don't hate working at my parent's office as much as I thought I was going to during those first few days. Is it something I'll be able to do for months and months or years and years? Abso-effin-lutely NOT but for the time being, it is part of the routine.

I've also put myself "back out there" but this time I ain't playin' any old game of baseball with these guys. I don't want a line-up of dates so I'm being incredibly picky in this department right now. What's funny is that I'm not being picky for any other reason then that I'm just not bothered. I was told to commit to being non committed and while at first I negatively reacted to that advice, this week I'm oddly enough unconsciously doing just that. I had another funny moment with myself in the car on the drive home from Maryland on Friday (which I'll dive further into in a second). For awhile now I've been looking for a man to sweep me up and rock my world. I was seeing some older men in hopes that they would show me places and take me to do things that I've never done before. I was looking for someone who I considered to live a better life than I do and to share it with me. So, in the car I was blasting "Sigh No More" (gets reallly good at 1:20 onward) for the gazillionth time and it hit me - I have an amazing life that I want to share with someone. I don't need a man to show me the ropes or to take me to the good life because I'm freakin' living it!

The night before I saw Mumford & Sons at the Merriweather Post Pavilion in Columbia, Maryland. The show brought me to tears. Gosh, am I a sap or what? On the way down to Maryland, I was listening to "Awake My Soul" (Sound familiar? I've written two other posts inspired by their music) and mid-belt out I had to stop and laugh at myself because I was actually tearing up! I just couldn't believe that I was going to see Mumford & Sons live. I was actually going to hear the music that gets me through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sweet life, dude.

At Merriweather, there is a large lawn area of amped up drunk kids ready to sing and dance their hearts out. I had a seat under the pavilion which I was happy to have when a severe thunderstorm hit. HOWEVER, in the midst of the sheets of rain pouring down on the crowd, the majority of them stayed and even began chanting and dancing. I wanna be a rock starrrrr, wahhhh! The looks on Mumford & Sons' faces were priceless. They couldn't believe the dedication. I'm grateful to have seen them at this point in their career because they still have that "Holy sh!t, since when are we famous and why do all of these people know our lyrics by heart" attitude. There's nothing better than that. They claimed that we were the largest crowd they have ever had on their tour, and whether that's true or not, I do know that it was the loudest crowd I've ever heard. That's saying something considering I've been to my share of concerts ranging from The Starting Line to the Backstreet Boys. The distinction I will make, and why I think it was so positively overwhelming is that the crowd wasn't just loudly screaming "I LOVE YOU!! OMG, WE'RE HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS!!" but instead we were singing. We all knew the words and I could feel the enthusiasm.

I heart you. No, really though, me love you long time.
[By randomly searching Google for this post, I found out that he is supposedly
dating Carey Mulligan. I never get upset about this sort of thing but it's
actually really pissing me off. Tell me, Marcus, DOES SHE CRY
LISTENING TO YOUR MUSIC LIKE I DO?! I'm upset, I'm really upset].

Listening to the people singing nearest to me, I realized that it wasn't simply a sing-a-long either. I could hear the connections that others have made with these songs, the way I have. The lyrics are powerful and meaningful. The instruments are so precisely played that you can feel it in your bones. And on top of all of that, to see the band playing, singing, and jumping around on stage absolutely infatuated with the moment was an experience unlike any other. I think my favorite moment of the entire show was the encore. As they slowly walked back on stage to play one last song, you could see it in their faces that the moment was really hitting them as much as it was hitting us (or maybe just me lol). The camera men zoomed in on their faces and the looks in their eyes was that of shock and acceptance when "it" happens, when the dream comes true. Here's my guess at what Marcus (the lead singer) was thinking, "Wow, this is really happening. I'm back on stage to play an encore at our biggest gig yet....I can't believe this is my life." Just a guess. They were almost shaking their heads as if they finally had to accept that they are famous. I love that about them. Dey got soul. They sang "The Cave" for the encore and of course I was tearing up again watching and singing along.

Really though, if anyone ever asks what makes me happy and/or what to give me as a gift ;-) concert tickets is a no brainer. Besides the music, I really enjoy the lights. They add an element to the songs that I don't get when I'm listening in the shower or the car. Anyway, in the past year I've seen two of the most amazing shows, Joshua Radin and Mumford & Sons. I think I finally have answers to two of my most hated questions, "What type of music do you like? And who are you favorite artists?" Answer: Mumford & Sons and Joshua Radin. Done and done. I can't believe I just said that...I'm cringing a little bit considering ten other names jumped in my head (and I feel badly about excluding them, it breaks my heart) but these two are unparalleled talents.

This week my favorite Mumford & Sons song is "After the Storm"... how fitting, right? As Marcus would say, "It's a quiet but strong one and I hope you enjoy it." I'm also honored to have had the privilege of hearing four new and unreleased songs. David Spade on an SNL Weekend Update skit said it well, "When you're at a show and the band says, 'Here's something from our new album,' why don't they just say, 'everyone get up and go to the bathroom?'" Honestly, that's usually how I feel as well. But put it this way, (God bless YouTube) because I've already memorized the new songs and am going to personally call up Marcus and demand that he end the tour now and get back to the studio to make a new record (in my best English accent).

"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears
And love with not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair"

So anyway, Sassarella Says....goosfraba! Take time for yourself to re-group, re-evaluate, and re-charge. The best part about this past week, and why I know the commitment to being non-committed is legit, is because I wasn't trying to be that way. It just happened. When you let go, good things will come. Better yet, let go while listening to my declared favorite band, (Woweee, did I just say that? This blog really is therapy) Mumford & Sons. I've come a long way from that favorite color debacle and have moved on to the idea that someone should be seeking ME out because I live a fantastic life. Por ejemplo, I'm a few hours from seeing Avicii at Surf Club with the Laur Laur. Woot!

P.S. If you're interested in the new songs: "Below My Feet" (my favorite so far), "Lover of the Light", "Lovers Eyes", and "Hopeless Wanderer" are all fabulous!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Can a staunchy Marysol like me really have it awl? I think JES!

Like really? Is that title in another language? Read on for the translation...

On Saturday morning (after an absolutely divine evening out on the town with my Tanya Miss Hottie Banya) Beth, Matt, and I drove dts to Long Beach Island. On the way, a familiar song came on the radio and Beth and I belted it out: "Life is a highway, I wanna ride it all night long!" However, Matt decided to put his own spin on it (as usual): "Life is a Christie, she wants to be staunch all day long!" If you have never had the pleasure of meeting my brother Matt and are unfamiliar with how he defines "staunch," it can sometimes be used to describe the somewhat bitchy and judgmental part of being sassy. He calls me staunch as I often sit quietly, only observing others, and reading them. It may look like I'm uninvolved or uninterested but really a billion thoughts are running through my head.

"Christie, you know why you're staunch sometimes....because you want it awl," my brother said. This somehow broke into a conversation about our beloved Lindsay Lohan and the inner workings of her brain but managed to wrap back around to this wanting it awl business. (If you are unfamiliar with my brother's latest bit, he is strongly emphasizing the Jersey accent by pronouncing "all" as "awl"). We wondered about having it awl, wanting it awl, and if it's even possible. For example, is it possible to have both the fire and the honey in a relationship? We discussed how there are men who are the nice guys, the guys who would do absolutely anything for you, the guys with just a little too much honey and at the end of the day, ya just don't wanna hop in bed with him. The intellectual connection and maybe even the emotional connections are there but the physical one is lacking. And on the other hand, there are the guys that all they are is a physical attraction but severely lack the intellectal and emotional stability that we women need. Do you have to choose between one guy or the other?

Another one of his bits...calling us all "Marysol"
"Jes, MARYSOL, I'm a lady. Ven I drink I feel goooood."

Matt wasn't quite sure that it is possible to have it awl and I thought back to a conversation I was having with my mother about recent events in my love life. She started a sentence by saying, "Ya know, I really don't think you're going to be one of those people who doesn't end up with someone." Gee thanks, ma! I told her that the thought never even crossed my mind but then I got to thinking. Keeping in mind that I'm an all or nothing type of person in the love department, am I expecting to much? Am I asking for too much? Am I going to be one of those people who is so focused on not settling for anything less than what I think I deserve or want and end up with no one? Wowzaaas.

I understand that small sacrifices, small compromises, and the small quirks like the way he brushes his teeth or the way he talks to himself when he's really focused, whatever it may be, are things that I may have to overlook because I want both. I want to be both intellectually and emotionally connected while also being physically satisfied. We deserve to have it all or what's the point of any of it? Everyone always says that it's the journey that counts, so why would I not want to spend my journey with someone who doesn't complete me? (Sorry, I watched Jerry Maguire this weekend). To me, worth it means having it AWL. I'm not willing to have a boyfriend, a fiance, or a husband for the sake of having one so if that means very impatiently hanging out until then, then so be it.

According to Matt, I have to work on committing to being non-committed because when ya least expect it is when it comes. Is anyone else really friggen over that saying? I feel like sending a g.d. memo to the higher powers: "Dear Universe, I am writing to inform you that I'm not expecting any great love affair any time soon so feel free to send one my way. Laters on the menjay, Sassarella." Ugh. I don't know, I like to think I'm really ready for another big love but Matt hit me with words that almost knocked the wind out of me, "Well, if you were ready then you would have it by now, wouldn't you?" So I got that going for me but as per usual, only time will tell.

I had a realization while considering this all or nothing theory in other aspects of my life as well. Sure I can half ass things that don't really matter to me but looking and feeling good about myself is not one of those things. I have been trying to more slowly and steadily shed pounds. In doing this, I have not been super strict during the week so that I don't feel deprived. I'm watching and taking note of what I'm eating but I'm not doing the whole "only eat lettuce, turkey, and my daily bag of popcorn and an apple" routine. I've been eating like a normal person but the issue is this....I'm an Italian/Irish Jersey girl. We wear this label proudly, like it's some kind of NJ status symbol to be Italian and Irish, "Why don't you bring home a nice Italian girl," they say. Anyway, I like my vino, I like my escarole with garlic and oil, I like my occasional slice of pizza, and I love my whiskey. All of that goodness takes place on the weekends and now I'm coming to realize that it's all or nothing. In order to have it awl on the weekends, I essentially need to have nothing during the week. Healthy, right? I'm not starving myself or anything, it's just to jump start the process, but I can't allow the little bites, tastes, and snacks during the week. I really have a hard time controlling myself on the weekends and frankly, I don't want to feel like I have to. I want it awl.

Sassarella Says....if you want it awl, you can have it. 
In some areas of life it should be all or nothing 
because we as human beings deserve nothing less!