2. Talking smack. I trash talk on the reg about all sorts of things. I notice it particularly when I'm flirting, especially with someone I'm just starting to get comfortable with but not totally there yet. Talking to a guy with arm muscles the size of my head, "I could crush you," I'll tell him repeatedly. "Oh! I can keep up, please that's no problem," I'll tell the bartenders in DC who practically drink for a living. I'll debate for the sake of debating in a playful way. I may not always make a good point but I'm absolutely awesome at talking some serious sh!t.
3. Making grand gestures. When I get my head set on doing something, it will take a lot to talk me out of it. A month or so ago Lauren and I were talking about a former trainer at our gym that I had a mega crush on last year. We ran into him at Sona and decided that he is not nearly as attractive as I once thought he was. "It was a phase," I said. To which Lauren responded, "Yeah the phase when you had bigger balls than most men." I left my phone number on the trainer's car and told him to call me. He did, but he had a girlfriend and I'm pretty sure he thought I was Lauren...so I got that going for me. I may not always be successful but I'm absolutely awesome at making bold moves.
4. Binge eating after 9pm. If and when I'm going to over eat or eat poorly, it is most definitely going to happen after 9pm. Partly because I binge when I'm bored or lonely but also because I'm a closet eater. I only like to eat extra snacks when I know that no one will know about it. Good thing I just ended that. Although I'm on a really fabulous run recently, food wise, that does not involve binge eating, I'm absolutely awesome at eating 3 bowls of cereal after 9pm.
Thankfully I've never stooped this low.
I binge on granola bars and pretzels...such a fatty, I know.
5. Faking it when I'm sober. I either really want it to be over or I like you enough to spare your feelings. "Wow, this is so NOT worth staying up late for, let the show begin...." OR "He's hot, maybe it'll be better next time but for now, let the show begin..." OR "Good God he's off his game tonight, wtf is going on here, I know you can do better so I won't judge but tonight let the show begin..." I prefer not to fake it but if I have to, I'm absolutely awesome at it.
6. Sweating at the gym. This is gross but when I work out I sweat like a mo fo. Until recently, it was a serious struggle for me to get to the gym but sweating a lot and feeling like I've lost 500 pounds made it worth it. Now that I'm recently all about the gym I'm still loving the fact that I sweat a sh!t ton but there are brief moments when I hate it. Por ejemplo, there is a guyyyyy (omigod) that I see there almost every day and would love to talk to (see #3) but we seem to be crossing paths AFTER my treadmill session as opposed to before the session when I still look decent. It might knock down my confidence when it comes to ze men at ze gym but I'm absolutely awesome at kicking my own ass.
7. Lying. Say what? Helllooo, I mean in a planning a surprise party kind of way. I'm really good at keeping secrets and if telling little white lies is required well then I'M YA WOMAN. I like planning surprise events, secret outings, and even though I'm too excited to breathe I manage to keep things hush hush. You have no idea whether or not this is true because unless you've caught me in a lie, which I highly doubt, you don't even KNOW what I could have fibbed about. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. Anyway, don't ever ask me to lie about cheating on your spouse but if I had to, I'd be absolutely awesome at it.
8. To-Do Lists. I keep a running list of things I need to do in the same notebook that I make blog notes in. If I ever lost this notebook, I'd be lost. I have an overall list and then there are lists for each day. On a daily basis I even add times to correspond with each activity. It's a sickness. I particularly enjoy crossing things off the list. I may alter things along the way but I'm absolutely awesome at making lists and crossing crap off of them.
9. Being dramatic. "This is the worst day everrrrrr," I'll frequently moan when I'm purposely being dramatic and when the circumstances that make it "the worst day ever" are trivial and just really annoying. I'm a reasonable and level-headed kinda kid but I can freak out with the best of them. I'll go from happy and normal at noon to crying and depressed by 3pm, it's an art form. I can exaggerate a situation, how it made me feel, and make someone believe it. Some may call it moody, but I'm absolutely awesome at being a true diva.
Dramatic much?
10. Foreplay. For the most part, I'm a well-behaved chica. I learned very quickly that there are benefits of being just a tad of a tease. Why? Well in the sense that since I know from the start that he ain't getting my golden ticket, as Deena would say, but if I still want to make sure he's intrigued for more, ya gotta do something more than sit there like a vegetable. Making eye contact, giggling (which happens naturally anyway), touching his arms, massaging, ya know awl the good stuff...I've got down pat. I mean I don't wanna brag or anything but I'm pretty ding dang dong gooood at getting the little friend to say heyyrrooo. Then I usually say buh bye to the little friend but I'm absolutely awesome at waking it up. (Did that really just happen? Pshhhhh)
11. Music recognition. I can hear a song, recognize the artist's voice, remember a lyric, Google it, download it, and love it in a flash. I have very good voice recognition abilities that make it possible to update my iTunes library constantly. I can also decode others, "Ya know it's like that song that goes...", my mom will say to me while making weird body gestures. I can tell just by the way she moves or by two words that she sings completely off beat and out of tune, what song she is thinking of. It drives me crazy that she can never remember songs, their lyrics, or the artist but I'm absolutely awesome at it so WHO CARES?
12. Screening calls. If I don't want to talk to someone, click. I have no patience for being on the phone with other than a small and select group of people....Britney Spears, Jon Stewart, Beyonce, and of course my boyfriend, Bradley Cooper. Ha kiddddding, bad joke. Anyway, if I'm not in the mood, I'll screen for hours, days, whatever. Don't take it overly personally if you feel I've done this to you because I also like to leave my phone upstairs, downstairs, here or there, just wherever is not next to me. I don't like to feel completely available to everyone at any given time and I'm absolutely awesome at ignoring anyone who's not "on the list."
The queen bee at phone call screening.
13. Learning a lesson. It might take me awhile but if there is a lesson to be learned, I will learn it eventually. I'm passionate, which makes me vulnerable in a lot of situations but my vulnerability allows me to grow (how Chicken Soup of me to say). I fall hard, I fall fast, and then I get knocked on my ass but then I'll get back up and learn from whatever it was that kicked me over. How many more cliches can I put in this paragraph? Let's see. "You know what they say, fool me once...strike 1, fool me twice...strike 3," well said, Michael Scott. Why does he explain life so well? Anyway, with the exception of eating certain foods that I know make me sick or doing certain exercises that I know give me pain, when I find out something is unhealthy for me, I learn my lesson and move on. Whether it be about clothes that don't look right on me or men who don't fit right with me. Same goes for the opposite, if I learn that someone suits me very well....I'll do it or have it or want it over and over again (that's what she said). It might take me longer than I might like sometimes but I'm absolutely awesome at learning a lesson.
Sassarella Says...embrace and cherish the fabulous qualities that make you who you are. I have my quirks, for example, I'm a perfectionist and I don't know how it looks on all of your screens but the way the title of this post doesn't fit on one line will probably give me nightmares. I am who I am, biotches.
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